To You, 2000 Years From Now
by ass-sassin
Summary: What did I ever do to deserve this? Titans attack, a best friend with major anger management issues, a snarky midget captain and a demonic horse? Scouting Legion, says you. Psychopath Legion, says I. (Pre-canon Scouting Legion).
1. PROLOGUE

**Year 833**

**Sunday night, May 16th**

**Karanese District (Wall Rose)**

I don't want to go.

The crates are packed and our bags are ready, but I _don't_ want to go.

I love Karanese. I love the calm of our house. I love the birdsong in the morning. I love taking walks with Maxine into the confines of Wall Rose in search of an adventure. I love the bustle of the market, the smell of parchment in my room and - most of all - , I love Max.

I love the way her dark hair turns glossy in the sunlight, and how her bright hazel eyes glitter with mischief. I love the way she giggles and teases me about being short. I love that she acts like my older sister, even though we're not related in the least.

If you're wondering, Max is my dearest friend.

She lives out of the district, just beyond the second gate to Wall Rose on a farm with her father and two older brothers – well, she has five older brothers, but three are in the army already. Her father's an ex-military man, but he was wounded in action and he doesn't have a left leg. He's terribly frightening. His eyes are all squinty and his face seems set in a permanent scowl ever since his wife died.

Oh, and he hates me and my family. One time he caught Max and I catching butterflies and he flogged her so hard that she couldn't walk for a week! We learnt not to get caught playing together after that. I guess his hatred is justified, though.

Both my parents are doctors, you see. We're quite well off and live in the heart of the town – we can even afford to move into Wall Sina! Not that I _want_ to move further into this great big cage… but back to Max's mother.

The woman fell ill when I was six and Max was eight. I can still remember her pale face, her dry lips.

Mr Kauffman (Max's father) had been crippled for five years at that point, and their income was whatever the two eldest could send. My father was the one to check up on her, the one to tell Mr Kauffman the bad news and the cost of the treatment. When the struggling family couldn't come up with the funds, my parents refused to treat Mrs Kauffman, and she died.

Max didn't speak to me for weeks. When she did begin talking to me again, her father refused to let me set foot in the house and forbid his only daughter to have any interaction with me whatsoever. My hazel eyed friend always had a knack for being sneaky, however, and she managed to sneak over to my house several times a week.

My parents didn't like her much at first because she couldn't read, so I taught her how to read. When I told them of her progress and success, they told me she was a distraction from my studies in music, the arts – and of course, medicine.

As I mentioned before, both my parents are doctors – and legitimate genii. They met at a medical conference in Trost, and were married for many years before they decided to have me. Father was disappointed, he wanted a boy – but mother was happy. I came out with father's green eyes and her blonde hair, though neither of them passed their height on to me. Ever since I had the capacity to read at three, they've had me reading books on biology, learning about healing herbs and trauma and illness since before I knew how to tie my shoes.

To them everything was about hygiene - personal hygiene to prevent disease, hygiene around and preparing food, hygiene in terms of living and going about around town. Their distaste of anything unsterilized led them to make the decision to move to the district of Stohess, in Sina.

I still don't want to go, no matter how much they tell me to be grateful of the shift in class and status, no matter how much they brag of the best facilities and income for their line of work, no matter _how_ they try and convince me otherwise.

I guess I should be happy they're taking me away, it does serve as an efficient distraction, after all. Even if I stayed in Karanese, I would be miserable. Next week Max is off to join the military (she's almost fourteen already!). I tried begging her not to go, but she told me she had no choice, telling me her father threatened to kick her out if she refused to join. I informed her she could come and live with me, but she had only laughed at my suggestion, "You sure are stupid for a genius, Heidi!" was what she told me.

I really hope she joins the Military Police so I can see her when she comes to Sina. I said that to her and she only patted me on the head, though I don't know why.

Mother's telling me to go to bed, and even though I can't sleep, I must turn the lamps off now.

Oh, and before I forget - my name is Adelheid Grünberg. I am eleven years old, and I live within the Walls that humanity has called home for almost a century now.

One day, I hope to make a difference in the world.

I want to see humanity at its strongest.


	2. GESUNDHEIT

**Year 841**

**Tuesday midday, January 2nd**

**Somewhere just south of the Trost District (Wall Maria now, I think?)**

Okay, so I'm doing it.

I'm _finally_ doing it!

Even though I probably shouldn't. Even though it's a really bad idea. Even though I'm probably going to die – _literally_, this time.

But I am – no word of a lie – on a boat right now, headed down south towards Shinganshina. After we arrive I'll hire a cart to take me to the Headquarters of the Scouting Legion, where I wish to apply as a medic.

By the way, I'm running away from home.

I know what you're thinking – oh, _poor_ little rich girl, nineteen and anxious to break away from the oppression of her tyrannic parents! – and I wouldn't correct you. Yes, I mean there's the additional issue of marriage and talk of becoming a royal physician and whatnot, but that's pretty much the gist of it.

I just hope the Scouting Legion needs a doctor – and I know it's _terrible_ of me… but I hope there's someone there that I know. I don't want to be left alone in a legion without anyone to identify my half-eaten body (if it comes to that!).

I mean, what if someone discovers my diaries and there's no one to dispose of them? IF ANYONE IS READING THIS IT MEANS I AM DEAD, HAVE AMNESIA, HAVE DIMENSIA, ARE SEVERELY INJURED OR I AM OTHERWISE INCAPITATED.

BURN THIS BOOK, I REPEAT, BURN THIS BOOK IMMEDIATELY UPON READING UP TO THIS POINT. THIS DIARY IS FOR MY EYES ONLY IN CASE I AM KNOCKED OUT, GET AMNESIA AND NEED TO RE-READ ALMOST EVERY DAY OF MY YOUNGER LIFE SO PLEASE, FOR MY PRIVACY AND YOUR OWN SANITY, TURN BACK NOW, IT'S NOT TOO LATE.

Whew, good to get that down!

If you're still reading now you really need to re-evaluate your morals, you soulless snooper (is that even a word…?)!

Anyway, back to me.

I haven't changed much since I was eleven, since I stopped writing in this blasted old thing, but seeing as once again, my whole world is about to change, I have seen fit to reclaim an old tradition. Despite being nineteen, I still have my boring blonde hair and my useless green eyes (what kind of doctor needs glasses to read at the age of nineteen, seriously?!), as well as my height (or lack, thereof). I'm as ingenious as ever (what, I'm just being honest!) and as utterly boring as I've always been, though I do have a pretty _wild_ scar on my thumb to tell tales of (well, okay it's not that great, I mean I got it when I dropped the amputation saw – it only happened _once_, I promise!).

I wish I had something interesting to tell about my life for the past eight years, but this is the most downright rebellious thing I have ever done in my existence.

I should probably change my name, seeing as half the Military Police will be out hunting for me on my father's behalf – oh, the boat's pulling in to the docks now! I'll write what happens after my attempt at joining the legion.


	3. FLÜGEL DER FREIHEIT

**Year 841**

**Wednesday morning, January 3rd**

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria)**

**Hospital Wing**

I should have seen it coming – well, _her_ coming.

Pah, how I managed to land myself _in_ a bed being treated, rather than at a bed _treating_ someone must come up to my newfound horrid luck.

First off, when I got off the boat and asked travel to the Legion's Headquarters, I was mistaken for a _prostitute_. Yes, a whore. Me!

Who in their right mind would assume me, of all people, is a _whore!?_ Do I give off that aura? Do I reek of perfume and invoke the wild rage of lust in every man I pass? Oh lord, have I been a harlot my whole life and just been too sheltered to see it?

Luckily, the man I asked took note of my flaming cheeks (yes, I have a bad habit of blushing furiously – to the point where you could probably fry an egg on my face… attractive, I know), and apologised for his embarrassing mishap immediately. He then pointed out a few supply carts headed that way.

"Over there, Miss," he coughed, embarrassed, "ask for a ride with them fellows, they'll be more than happy to take a pretty lass like you to see the castle."

"Th-Thank you," I stuttered, scurrying off before I could plunge any further into the steaming vat of sheer awkwardness I had created. "Excuse me?" I called, standing tentatively beside the last cart.

"Yes, little miss?" an elderly man in a green cloak replied, his haggard face showing signs of kidney deficiency and insomnia, barely managing a kind smile.

"Sorry to bother you, sir," I began, fumbling with the handle of my suitcase, "I'm looking to reach the Headquarters of the Recon Corps. If you would be so kind as to allow me to travel with you, I will be more than willing to compensate you for your assistance, as well as clear up the remains of the illness you've attained out in the cold."

The man stood there for a moment, hands halting as they tightened the bindings of the material covering the cart.

"What is your business there?" he asked, his voice still soft.

I gulped nervously before launching into a brief explanation, "I'm a medic, sir. I've been trained exceedingly well in the treatment of both long term illness, short term illness, emergency trauma injuries, including amputations and operations-"

"Ah," he interrupted, not unkindly, "You wish to offer your services to the Legion, then?"

I nodded enthusiastically, blonde plait bobbing on my shoulder annoyingly.

"Hmm," he hummed, hurrying to tie the knot he neglected. After it was secured, he turned back to me, feet crunching in the frost at our feet, "I'm afraid that you won't be of much use, little miss."

Against my better judgement, I gaped at him (oh heavens, I must have looked like a right dumb fool then!), attempting to splutter out my confusion.

He looked down at me then, with wise, sad eyes, "The percentage of men that die within the Walls are only around four, a high contrast to those who don't make it back – around thirty, my child. Unless you wish to voyage beyond the walls to treat the men out on the field, I cannot help you."

With a small nod, he spun on his heel and walked away, hopping up onto the cart, jolting it into motion before I had a chance to move my freezing limbs.

"W-Wait!" I called (my voice only trembled from the cold, not because I was close to wetting my pants or anything! I swear!), "Please, I want to help!"

The cart halted, and I scrambled to hurry to where I could see his face clearly, "I – I need to help! I can help! I have the capacity to do some good, so please take me where I can save people!" (I'm more of an idiot than I give myself credit for).

He looked down at me again, disapproving now, "I've told you already, young lady, there's nothing you can-"

"Doctor Jeager! Doctors' Grünberg – both of them! Doctor Schultz! Doctor Schwerin, Doctor Freid, Doctor Trauss, Doctor Füther, Doctor Alder, Doctor Grenenger! I have trained with them all – I know how to truly help the injured, I wish to be an asset to the Scouting Legion, sir!" I felt the stupid heat in my face return, bringing an unpleasant tingling to the back of my eyes (yes, I cry when I'm frustrated, but if I didn't make it in then I'd have to go back and face the wrath of sophisticated society – oh, the horror!).

I could tell he was impressed with the line-up I gave him, but he remained sceptical, "You don't seem the type for physical exercise," he announced gruffly, "how do you expect to survive beyond the walls without some measure of fitness?"

"I-I'll work hard if I'm accepted by the Commander!" I cried, desperately trying to keep my composure before him, "Please, just give me a chance – all I need is one chance!"

The silence that followed had to be one of the most intense moments in my life. His dark, all-knowing eyes stared down at me, taking in my pink cheeks, my (regrettably) watery eyes, my long, messy plait, my long winter coat, the pack on my back, the case in my hands, and finally, the boots on my little feet.

"How old are you, girl?" his voice wasn't condescending, or harsh. He was addressing me as he would a soldier.

"Nineteen in a few days, sir," I replied, hoping my voice didn't tremble as much as my body did beneath the large coat.

"Nineteen, hmm? And why didn't you join the legion earlier?" it was like being interrogated.

"My medical training wasn't complete until last year, sir. I had no idea of the losses the Recon Corps suffered at every expedition until midway through last year, when I treated some men close to death from blood poisoning and infection," I barely took a breath, hoping he wouldn't turn me away, "I was about to be commissioned as a royal physician, but I ran away before I could be appointed. No disrespect to the King, sir, but I believe the soldiers protecting him are in more need of care than he is."

Silence ensued once more. His tired eyes analysed me closely, squinting down at me as though gouging my intelligence and strength with just his eyes. Wordlessly, he shifted to the right, nodding to the now empty bench beside him.

It was then that I realised I was too short to reach the height of the bench unaided. With a frown, I hoisted, my bag up to the high carriage floor, scanning the side of the cart for any purchase for my cold feet.

The only thing I could recall that would allow me to gain any form of height to be able to sit beside him, was the slight indent at the back of a cart where a knot was missing to hold the material down.

I scurried over there as fast as I could.

With some effort, I jumped, my hands grasping at the ropes that extended around whatever material was keeping the contents of the wagon contained, hurriedly digging my foot into the little dent.

Struggling not to whoop in excitement, I stepped up a little higher, to the wooden frame around the cargo, precariously edging my way over to the front until my boot was safely on the flat surface of the bench. With a huff, I slid down into my seat, another (yes, _another_) blush gracing my face at my unladylike actions.

He must've thought I was a barbarian!

We were headed to the Headquarters at a fast pace, despite the frost and ice on the old cobblestoned road. Not a word was said between us.

We reached the castle-like Headquarters within half an hour, riding into the entrance courtyard to join with the other carts. That was when my third bout of bad luck struck.

"Commander, sir!" someone cried upon seeing us, "The Commander of the Military Police is here to speak with you. He is in your office, sir!"

I struggled not to let my horrified stare linger on the wizened old man beside me, and I managed to – but just barely. The other occupants unloading the supplies from the cart watched on in interest as the Commander hopped off the bench beside me, offering his hand to help me down.

With fumbling hands I managed to pull on my backpack and grasp my suitcase in one hand, graciously (hey, I like to think I learnt _some_ form of eloquence from my time in the Capitol!) accepting the hand of the Head of the Legion to help me down.

"Follow me, Miss," he ordered, and I didn't dare speak up, unsure whether to be scared of him, or scared of the Head of the Military Police. My mother and father had been close friends with the man, after all. So we walked through the cold stone corridors of the castle-like barracks, and I was eternally grateful for the warmth of the halls.

Alas, we made it to the Commander's office.

"Adelheid?" the Military Police's officer in command, Thomlin Dawk, exclaimed upon seeing my face.

Once again, I showed my winning blush, "Good afternoon, Mr Dawk," I greeted meekly, biting my lip.

"Schreiber wha-what is she doing here? Her father's got half of my forces out scouting the confines of Sina and Rose looking for her!" uh-oh. He didn't sound pleased at all.

"Miss Adelheid here has asked me to accept her into my Legion as a healer," Commander Schreiber announced calmly, "she tells me she is quite the doctor."

"Of course she's 'quite the doctor'," Dawk practically growled, "her parents are the Grünbergs! She's _meant_ to be in the capitol as we speak, accepting the position of a master physician under the king's guard!"

"Ah," Schreiber hummed, looking to me, "so you were being honest about that."

I barely had the sense to nod, too scared of being carted right back to the Walls of Sina. They couldn't take me back when I had made it so far! I already sold my apartment and resigned my position at the hospital – and being over the legal age to hold myself, my parents _couldn't_ command be back by law (yes, I did my research in the law books – both civil and military, mind you!).

"Adelheid," Dawk addressed me, his greying hair decisively too neat, his light brown eyes commanding, "come back with me. Nile is willing to overlook this mishap, he's set to become the next Commander of the Military Police – the documents are ready to be signed for you both! You can still work for the king, own a luxurious house, have a child or two-"

"No," I surprised myself by the strength behind that single word, "I'm not going to work under the king, and I'm not going to marry your son. I-I'm sorry, Thomlin. Tell my mother I'm sorry."

His face hardened at that, "I'm afraid you have no choice, young lady. I have been commissioned to escort you back to Sina by the Head physician of the king himself. They won't let skill like yours get away so easily."

"I don't think so, sir," I said, squaring my shoulders, "despite what you have been commissioned, I have the right to refuse to be taken into your custody. Seeing as I have not broken any laws, nor am I in a contract of any sort, you nor anyone within Wall Sina can hold any semblance of authority over me."

He froze at that, not expecting me to be well read in the law of the Walls.

"She's right, Thomlin," Schreiber nodded, a twitch at the corner of his mouth, "you have no power here. Miss Grünberg is of age to make decisions for herself," he turned to me, "I am willing to accept you into this legion, but I must warn you of the dangers of this field. You will be directly exposed to titans, to the weather and the elements beyond the walls. You will see death, and most likely die out there if you don't have any semblance of training. Are you prepared to put your life on the line? If not, I advise you return to Wall Sina with Commander Dawk."

His words scared me senseless (what, I'm a coward and I know it), but I nodded hastily anyway, hurriedly dropping my suitcase to execute a salute (I practiced beforehand), "I wish to join the Scouting Legion, sir."

"Very well," the old man cleared his throat, "welcome to the Scouting Legion, Adelheid Grünberg. May luck be with you."

I was escorted outside after that while the two commanders discussed something or another (I didn't want to assume they were talking about me, I get nervous when I think about that kind of thing). I was taken by a man named Mike Zakarius to a room I would share with another member of the legion in either the research or medical field.

I wasn't a positive, but could have _sworn_ he had sniffed at me and grinned.

"You're a doctor then?" he asked as I put down my suitcase in the ordinarily sized room. I nodded, shrugging my pack off on to my bed at the left side of the room, which was relatively bare. The right side of the room, however, was anything but. Pieces of parchment were nailed all along the wall, and the lone desk just beyond the bed head was stacked with papers and spilled ink pots. Clothes littered the floor beneath the bunk, and the wardrobe at the foot of the bed remained open, items of clothing strewn about haphazardly within and around it.

My side looked amazingly clean in comparison.

"Come, you must be hungry," Mike said from the doorway, "you can unpack later, I'm sure Hanji wouldn't mine helping you."

"Hanji?" I asked as we headed out of the room and down the corridor, the opposite direction from whence we came.

"Your roommate," the tall brunet man informed me, stroking his goatee lightly, "come to think of it, she'll be ecstatic to have someone to ramble to about her experiments."

My ears perked at that, "Experiments? She's a scientist?"

He chuckled at my hopeful expression, "In a sense… she studies titans."

"Oh," I shouldn't have been disappointed – I mean, I was in the _Scouting Legion_ for goodness sake! The topic of titans wasn't taboo here as it was back at home. Wait… home? No, Sina wasn't home. Karanese was home, and it always would be. Maybe after I retire, I could go and live there? Gah, back to the retelling!

"Here we go, don't mind the staring – the men haven't seen someone so good looking around in a long while. You might want to be careful, don't walk around alone," he advised, nodding to the end of the hallway, where the men and women were streaming in from their afternoon training session for some refreshments.

Mike stopped me suddenly, "Here," he nodded to the right, to a large set of double doors leading to the Mess Hall, "let's go find a seat-"

As he spoke, my gaze travelled across the hall, taking note of the blatant stares of both the male and female soldiers (probably wondering why such a small little thing like me was suddenly joining them for afternoon tea). At the far end of the hall, I caught a glimpse of…was that… could it be… no –

"_Heidi?_" the woman I had been staring at bellowed, dark hair glistening, tan skin glowing, hazel eyes so _wild_.

I vaguely registered my eyes widening the smallest fraction as she barrelled towards me, food discarded at the table where she'd been. I knew she was running too fast, that the rate of her acceleration was going to mean a nasty impact, but I couldn't move – it was Maxine Kauffman, and she was _there_.

She slammed into me so hard that she actually knocked me out.

How embarrassing.

I just woke up, and the sun's just barely over the horizon. I slept literally the whole afternoon and evening, and now it's Wednesday. I hope the Commander doesn't realise how much of a numpty I am, and changes his mind about letting me stay. Speaking of the Commander, here he comes now – I'll write later!

**Later, Breakfast in the Mess Hall**

I'm still here, praise be to whatever gods linger above! I've just met my roommate, Hanji, and she's… eccentric to say the least. Max was just here too, and she introduced me to some of her friends, but they're all off at training now. Introductions were exceedingly embarrassing, considering the horrifying entrance I made yesterday.

By the time I'd left the short discussion with the Commander about time spent learning the ropes and preparing to train to be fit enough to make it out alive on an expedition, I had to make my way to the Mess Hall alone. It wasn't hard to come to a hallway I'd been guided through yesterday, and so the journey to breakfast was relatively easy.

My entrance was less dramatic, despite the stares I still attained. Spotting Max and Mike at a long bench on the right, I hurried over, keeping my face down to hide the flush in my cheeks at the abundance of attention. I never was good with a lot of people, seeing as I spent most of my childhood isolated with only books as company. I envied Max in the sense that she was outdoors her whole life, tending to the farm animals and whatnot, as well as her father's training regime.

"Morning, sunshine!" Max greeted in a sing-song voice, patting the bench beside her, "I got you some porridge!"

"Thanks," I mumbled, flashing her a timid smile as I slid into my seat, easily the shortest person there.

"Oh, come on Heidi, don't be so shy!" my friend laughed, clapping me on the back, "here, let me introduce you to the best fighters this legion has to offer! You know Mike already, four eyes over there is Hanji, she's your new roommate," she nodded to the auburn haired woman opposite us, smiling brightly despite the mocking nickname.

"Hello," I mumbled, cursing my soft voice, though I did offer up a smile.

The woman smiled back, "Greetings, Adelheid! It's nice to finally meet you! You are a doctor, yes? Do you know anything of the anatomy of titans, then? Do you think you could teach me of human anatomy? What do you think about-"

"Hanji, give the poor girl a break! I think she's still got a concussion, no thanks to our _dearest_ Maxine," said a blonde woman, rolling her eyes as she ran a hand through her boy short hair.

"That party pooper is Nanaba," Max smirked, nodding the woman, "and bandana boy over there is Dita Ness. Moblit's the one with porridge everywhere, Henning is giving himself a haemorrhage trying not to stare at you, Gerger's trying to steal my porridge – fuck off you little shit, I already gave you my bread roll yesterday! –, Keji's the one with better hair than half the women in the human population, Gunter's the one that looks a bit like the Commander and is currently glaring at me for being 'childish', Ilse is Hanji's crazy titan loving friend and Luke over there is the one drooling into his breakfast."

Right. Hanji (glasses lady), Mike (sniffy guy), Nanaba (short haired blonde), Dita (bandana boy), Moblit (messy eater), Henning (ogler), Gerger (porridge thief), Keji (hair product genius), Gunter (Commander look-alike… although about sixty years younger), Ilse (shoulder length brown hair, freckles) and Luke (half asleep in his porridge).

I nodded, gluing each of their faces to their names in my mind.

Aha. Got it.

"You're so tiny!" Ilse practically burst out, covering her mouth at the unorthodox exclamation.

I giggled at that, a faint blush still lingering on my cheeks, "Yeah, I've always been vertically challenged. Max never fails to remind me of my 'feeble little body' as she so kindly puts it."

They laughed at that (though, I think they laughed to be polite more than anything, because I'm not funny in the least… not to anyone but myself, of course. Heh.), and Dita looked over to my tall friend, "How do you guys know each other?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"We both lived in Karanese," Max explained, stifling a yawn, "her high and mighty parents moved them all over to Stohess a week before I joined the Training Corps."

"Ah, so you're the same age then?" Mike quizzed, eyebrow quirked.

For some reason, I felt my face flush, "No," I mumbled, "I'm two years younger."

"What? Aww!" Hanji and Ilse exclaimed in unison, "You're still a baby!"

"I'm nineteen," I deadpanned, not exactly a fan of being compared to a helpless infant.

"Still a young spring chicken, I say!" Max laughed, throwing an arm around my shoulders, "I was around your age when I first joined! But I hear they may change the registration age to younger, so the soldiers are ready by fifteen rather than eighteen – it's a stupid idea if you ask me."

I frowned, nodding in agreement, "Children that young don't have the emotional capacity to deal with the training regime they're put through in order to join the military. If they're fully trained at fifteen, they'll be mentally and emotionally stunted, most likely with extensive trust issues, depression, insomnia and a range of other trauma-induced effects. Besides, children at the age of ten or eleven are ridiculously idealistic, and they'd join the army before they fully understand the implications and responsibilities involved. If too many children join and neglect the issue of repopulation, then humanity's numbers will dwindle to an all-time low. If a plague were to strike, or a natural disaster were to occur, we'd stand little to no chance of survival."

They were silent for a few moments, staring at me as though I had four heads. Note to self: don't go rambling out loud before anyone ever again (they think I'm crazy, I can see it in their faces… so much for making a good first impression).

"Shit, Heidi!" Max chortled, "Where'd you learn all that mumbo jumbo?"

An ungraceful red blotched my cheeks once more, "I've researched about the effects of being on the front lines ever since the expedition last July… the soldiers in the hospital I worked at suffered extensive shock and many of the symptoms I described. If that's happening to men and women in their twenties and thirties, imagine the effect it'd have on young children."

"Yikes, woman!" Gerger exclaimed, "You some kind of genius or something? Should be working for the king, if you ask me!"

I didn't think it was possible, but my face managed to flush even brighter (I think I resembled a tomato at this point). Max, spotting the expression on my face, gasped, "Oh, _no_ way! You worked for the king?"

"N-Not necessarily!" I defended, flushing to the tips of my ears, "I only treated a few of the royals when they thought they had the flu – it was really only a miniscule cold, but they were under the impression that they were on death's door, and when they recovered they demanded I stay and work there and then the Dawks and my parents came to an agreement that Nile would let me go work there after we were married but I didn't _want_ to be married so I sold everything and packed up and resigned and headed south and-" I cut myself, suddenly aware of the way I'd been rambling, probably speaking too fast for them to hear (I have a habit of doing that when I get nervous).

"You're getting married?" my hazel eyed friend gasped, eyes wide.

"No! No, I'm not! I'm only nineteen!" I blurted out, panicking at the sceptical look on her face, "I promise I only ran away because I wanted to come and help the people who actually need it, it's not as though I was having an affair with anyone and wanted to run from Nile like those court ladies would say-" I cut myself off again, dropping my burning face into my cool hands, "I'm such an idiot," I mumbled, leaning down to bang my head on the table (I blame the concussion Max gave me!).

"Poor girl!" Mike laughed, patting my head gently, "Don't get all flustered, Adelheid! You know Max is only stirring you!"

It was then I noticed my friend laughing beside me, "For a genius, you're still as much as an idiot as you were eight years ago!"

I narrowed my eyes, "You are a cruel human, Maxine Kauffman." She made me look like a bumbling fool!

"I couldn't agree more," came a smooth, monotonous voice from behind me. I turned to see two men, one quite short (though not as short as me) with dark hair, the other quite tall with blond hair and blue eyes. He looked familiar somehow. I couldn't tell who'd spoken.

"Training already, Captain Smith?" Ilse whined, her pout registering at the corner of my eye.

The blond man nodded, and began turning away, "Wait, sir!" Max called out, a strange tone to her voice. His shoulders stiffened, and he spared a glance our way. "This is Heidi. She's a new recruit-"

"We don't have time for your antics today, Kauffman," came the smooth voice of the shorter man, looking bored, "we've got to go through drills."

Max poked her tongue out at him and blew a raspberry. My eyes widened at the gesture – he was obviously her superior, perhaps a Captain or a Corporal – but he made no move to punish her. He must have been used to her reckless side.

The team around me rose, waving their goodbyes and leaving me to eat in peace. So here I am now, finishing up my morning meal, running out of lead, and in desperate need of a coffee. Perhaps I'll ask Max where to find one later.

**Later, bunker 221**

I think I'm dying.

I'm showing all the signs. My heart is suffering many palpitations, my pupils are dilated, breathing comes only with intense difficulty and my body aches terribly.

Fitness is obviously not my forte.

There I was standing in the training courtyard I'd been directed to after breakfast, dressed in a fitting uniform to match the other members of the legion, waiting for an instructor to arrive. When a man named Simon approached me, I knew my impending doom strode alongside him. His greying hair was neatly arranged to fall to his shoulders, his uniform scuffled slightly, but not pin-straight. He was strictly business, here to train and get me in my best form.

After brief introductions, he ordered me to run a few laps of the Headquarters. To my surprise, he ran with me, a comfortable silence brewing between us. The running itself wasn't all that hard (being a doctor, I'm always on my feet, hurrying about to run errands), but the speed which he demanded was ridiculous – for my first day of training that is.

I was driven to the ground (literally – what, I fell a few times, so sue me!) for an hour or so before he finally chose to relent the sprint and fall back to the training grounds. The open plain that the rest of the training members were practicing their titan slaying skills to keep fit resembled what I'd heard the outside world looked like (wide, open, grassy, with few trees and occasional shrubbery). Simon led me to an obstacle course made of wood and ropes.

"Your biggest advantage is speed and agility," he told me, nodding to the course, which looked quite like the children's playground back in Karanese (only on a larger scale), "I want you do start from the beginning, head to the opposite end, and get back here in four minutes.

"Four minutes?" I asked, already feeling the fatigue from the morning run, "What if I don't make it?"

His hard grey eyes stared at me, daring me to get above the limit, "If you do, I'll make you try again and again until you get it done today."

It sounded too much like a threat for me to be comfortable.

"Go."

I bolted in the direction of the wooden ladder, scurrying up as a squirrel would a tree. My limbs felt heavy, like bags of sand were weighing me down, but I quickly edged along the high wooden beam (repeating 'don't look down, just don't look down' as a mantra in my head as I did so) before teetering down the other beam of slanted wood that lead to a series of elevated stepping stones.

I hopped quickly over the short distance, barely needing to duck for the next series of low beams. I probably shouldn't have, but I paused at the next obstacle, knowing I wouldn't reach the set of monkey bars by merely jumping. With a huff I doubled back to the last low beam and climbed atop it, gouging the distance between where I stood and the nearest bar. It was about two and a half metres, but I lunged for it anyway.

I didn't have time to celebrate my victory as I hurried to make it along the bars and swing to the other side. Next was a net that I was forced to lay on my stomach to get under. I got tangled a few times, and almost screamed at the ridiculous amount of dirt caking on my knees and elbows, but I made it out nevertheless, heading on to the last obstacle, the large wooden wall, with nothing but a rope to help me climb it.

I cursed my feeble upper body strength. I have no idea how I managed it, but somehow I made it to the top of the wall, and was set to head back the way I came. In my haste to get down, I practically fell down the wall into the sandy section meant specifically for idiots like me. From there I sloppily dashed back the way I came, almost tripping over my own feet as I made it back, huffing and puffing.

"H-How'd I go?" I managed to blurt out, doubled over, hands clutching at my stomach.

"Twelve minutes and forty seconds."

And so began the hours of hell.

I did the course so many times I think I might accidentally run there and do it in my sleep (I sleep walk sometimes… I can't help it…). As night began to fall I finally managed to get my time somewhere around six minutes.

Simon was set to make me go another round, but I was saved by the timely appearance of the familiar tall blond man, telling the trainer that his attendance was required in the Commander's office. The older man nodded to me, "Well done, Grünberg. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

It was harder than I thought not to heave a groan.

When he left it was just me (doubled over, still struggling from my last run), and the blond man.

"I'm Erwin," he said suddenly, prompting me to raise my sweaty head to look at him.

"A-Adelheid," I huffed, forcing myself upright, "Is if even _possible_ to do that course in f-four minutes?" I asked him, clutching at a stitch in my side.

Instead of replying in words, he set off to the obstacles at a run, bounding through each one with a practiced ease I envied more than anything. He didn't hesitate once, and managed to power to the end and back in no more than two minutes – _two minutes!_

I slammed my palm into my face, imagining what an idiot I must've looked like, struggling with the very basics of the training.

His deep laugh sent my cheeks burning into a fit of red, and I slowly moved my hand from my face, grinning sheepishly, "Everyone must think I'm a fool."

"Yes, I'm afraid so," he said, not unkindly. Well, at least he's honest.

"Would you please be so kind as to direct me towards somewhere I can wash up?" I asked, gesturing to my horridly dirty clothes. He nodded, and began striding back to the Headquarters. I am ashamed to admit that I struggled to keep up with him (what, his legs are almost twice the length of mine!).

He led me to the female bathing rooms, motioning as to where I could find clean towels and robes (which both had to be set in the washing basket when I was done). After thanking him profusely, I headed into the room, closing it behind me. There was no lock, though I assumed all women had access and all men knew to stay out. I stripped out of the filthy clothes and dropped them into the basket of unwashed clothes, heading to the strangely set water pump.

Tentatively, I stepped under the elevated tap, grasped the long handle and pumped it up and down a few times. The tap gushed a few bouts of freezing cold water, and I squealed girlishly (I hope no one heard!), but it succeeded in getting most of the surface grime off me and out of my hair. The baths were already hot.

As I was about to step in, my _**fantastic**___new luck decided to play into action (note my sarcasm).

The door at the far end of the large room swung open, allowing a dashing stream of sweaty women in, laughing and shouting boisterously. They'd have gone on without noticing my presence had Max not stepped in last and taken it upon herself to bellow unceremoniously to the world, "_Heidi's got tits, Heidi's got tits, Heidi's got tits, na-na-na-na-na!_" in a singsong voice.

The troop of men who were on the way past the room towards the men's baths happened to glance in at her proclamation of my lady parts. I squealed (I think I'm turning into a pig with all these noises I make?) and literally jumped into the bath, hiding under the water for as long as I dared. When I peeked over the side of the metal tub, there was quite the ruckus over at the door. Erwin and the short man with dark hair were blocking off the entranceway with their bodies, shoving the men back from the door as Max bent over behind them, laughing hysterically, slapping her knee at the hilarity of it all.

I could feel my face heating up, tears of embarrassment burning at my eyelids.

The catcalls were mortifying.

Finally, the short man managed to shove Erwin out as crowd control before slamming the door shut, turning to face Max with a vaguely amused stare.

As tears prickled at my eyes, I covered my face with my hands – if they saw me crying I'd be an even _bigger_ laughing stock.

"Hey, Heidi!" Max laughed loudly. I didn't reply, unsure of my voice. "Hey, don't be like that! C'mon, it was just a little teasing!"

Teasing? _Teasing?_ THEY SAW MY BREASTS, I DON'T THINK THAT IS CLASSIFIED AS TEASING.

To my horror, my bottom lip began to quiver and my hands began to shake.

No, no, no, no!

But my stupid eyes refused to obey me, and before I knew it I was crying. I briefly contemplated drowning myself then and there. Thankfully, the other women were stripping down and continuing to talk, oblivious to the childish tears I was shedding.

"Aw, honey," Max murmured as she approached, "shh, I didn't mean to upset you."

I continued to bawl, refusing to lift my head as she placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. Another pair of footsteps neared and I tensed, hoping the person would leave before she knew I was crying like a baby.

"If it's any consolation," my hazel eyed tormentor said, a grin in her chirpy voice, "you have nice boobs! Doesn't she have a nice pair of girls, Levi?"

My head shot up at the decisively masculine name, eyes zoning in on the form of the short man, his cold blue eyes trained determinedly on my face. I was too shy to bring my hands up to cover myself, so I slowly bent my knees until they covered my chest. He looked away suddenly, ignoring the other naked women strolling about.

"It's not a big deal to be seen naked around here," Max comforted, "everyone's seen everyone else's junk at one point or another."

"I-It's a big deal for _me_," I managed, my voice small as I buried my hot face in my hands again, "I looked like the biggest numpty."

Max laughed at that, "On the contrary, you looked quite the seductress, blonde hair cascading over your shoulder, sopping wet from the-"

"Don't torture her so, Kauffman," Levi intervened, his gaze still trained anywhere but me, "she's obviously uncomfortable about it. Just drop it."

My friend went unusually silent, and a quick peek from my hands revealed her in a stare off with the young man. With both their attention diverted, I let my hands rest on my knees, grateful for the warmth the water provided.

"I'll make sure none of the men bother you about this incident," his smooth voice murmured, and it took me a few seconds to realise his statement was directed at me (yeah, top notch reflexive mind of a brilliant scholar such as myself… *cough*idiot*cough*). I met his exceptionally stoic face, and strained a smile in thanks, but said nothing more.

It remains one of the most embarrassing incidents I have ever had the misfortune to experience. After Captain Levi Rivaille departed, I bathed at the speed of light (okay, not _that_ fast, but faster than the slow, luxurious pace of my old baths), hopped out and dried in a wink. I dressed in a clean uniform that Max had brought me as a peace offering (she got my size right, so I guess she was forgiven for her troublemaking), and headed off to the Commander's office, hoping he was available to talk to.

I knocked three times (as was the etiquette in the inner district of Sina), and after his shout of 'enter', I stepped into the warm room.

"Ah, good evening, Grünberg," he greeted from behind his desk, "take a seat."

I did as he bid, setting myself on the edge of my seat, thumbs twiddling absentmindedly in my lap, "Good evening, sir."

"About to head to dinner?" he asked casually, taking a sip of his tea. I nodded, and he set the cup back in the saucer, and the saucer back on the desk, "What can I do for you?"

"Well," I began, "you must get out in the sun as often as you can manage. Every night, sleep with your window open despite the cold – as long as your body is kept warm, you'll be fine. The cold air aids the lungs greatly. You'll need a tablespoon of honey after every meal, and twenty minutes of exercise a day."

He sat in silence for a moment, contemplating what I'd said over his joined hands, "No medicine?" he quizzed, brow quirked.

"No, sir. Your condition is quite good, but I'm sure that lung congestion can't be comfortable. I use medication primarily for those injured in action, and only ever to alleviate pain," I really hoped I wasn't talking too fast for him to understand.

After a moment he nodded, "Hmm, I see."

"You'll need to do this for between three days to a week – if the symptoms prevail, then notify me and I'll examine you," my nerves eased away as my 'doctor's voice' was activated (my doctor's voice is the only time when my mouth takes primary control and refuses to take anyone's bullshit – in a professional manner, of course. It's also the only time I can trust whatever my mouth is spurting).

"Very well," Schreiber hummed, "I assume you don't need any further medical training from our own experience. There's typically no fully trained doctors here, we're frequents at the hospital in Rose."

I shook my head, "No, that's not right, sir. I'd love to talk to the soldiers about their experiences with treating wounds. It's always good to learn new things from those who've been in the business longer than you."

He cracked a smile at that, "Indeed. In terms of funding, I'm afraid the taxes don't cover medical expenses, so we'll have to use funds from either uniforms or meal times to buy supplies."

It was my turn to smile, "No funds are needed, sir. I came preparing to fund the medical portion of this legion myself. Being a doctor means a significant amount of money."

"Are you proposing that you _individually_ pay for the supplies you use, Grünberg?" the Commander didn't seem too pleased at that, "If that is so, I'm afraid I cannot let that happen."

"Why not, sir?" I frowned, "It's entirely legal. I'm willing and able, and I have more money in my account than I could ever hope of spending in a lifetime."

"Thousands of dollars are spent by each injured man in hospitals. Your money won't be enough to fund every soldier that gets injured," his face was stern.

"By all due respect, sir, I'm not sure you understand just _why_ they are charged that much," I began, sitting up a little straighter, "men who die immediately are a minority in the case of most expeditions. The men who die on the journey from blood loss, infection or illness make up the other large portion. Those few who make it back with injuries or infection are on the brink of death, meaning more attention is focused on them within the confines of the hospital. The trauma they experience is key in their treatment, and so they remain hospitalised for extended periods of time. The fact that they take up bedspace for mental ailments means they're charged ridiculous amounts."

I met the old man's dark stare with a firm stare of my own, "I have enough money to renovate the Hospital Wing, meaning the soldiers won't condemn their families to poverty with the rubbish healthcare system. I have enough money to buy supplies for another century if every single member of the legion fell ill, was overridden with infection, and suffered several amputations simultaneously. Do you understand how much money I speak of, Commander Schreiber?"

His eyes narrowed, and she shook his head, "I think it is _you_ who misunderstands, Grünberg. A couple of millions will be gone in a year, it's not logical nor sustainable."

I felt exceedingly smug as I sat opposite him, and I wondered what it would be like to pursue a career in law (proving people wrong must be one of the best feelings I have ever experienced).

"I'm not talking a couple of millions," I shot back, "I'm talking a few hundred _billion_, sir."

The satisfaction of his widening eyes had me so smug I could barely breathe. I hope I didn't look like a giddy little school girl (because let me tell you, I sure felt like one). He was speechless.

"Let me explain how, sir," I said, struggling to contain my sheepish grin, "I'm the lone child of both Grünberg doctors, and they've been depositing large sums of money into an account for me long before I was even born. I've worked as a doctor for only three years now, but the people I've treated live within Wall Sina, and thrust large cheques into your care as long as you guarantee to make them better. I earned a ridiculous sum of money from treating members of the royal family – as in several dozen billion."

The room fell into a slightly stiff silence, where the Commander did little but stare at me.

"I'm willing to make donations to any other aspect of the legion that needs funding. I can cover the breeding and expenses of maintaining the horses and whatnot. Yes, actually, I'll do that too. And I can cover the repairs unit of equipment also," his eyes got wider and wider, and for a moment I feared he would kneel over and die in shock.

"…sir…?"

He shook himself out of his daze, clearing his throat, "Your aid would be immensely appreciated, Adelheid Grünberg. I cannot… I cannot thank you enough."

I smiled at him and stood, "If you'll excuse me, sir, I'll go have dinner and then proceed to write up an agreement between us. Is lunchtime tomorrow a good time to come past and sign everything?"

He nodded, "Enjoy your dinner." I spun on my heel and was about to leave, but his voice stopped me in my tracks, "I only ask one thing of you." I turned around as he spoke, "Teach the soldiers the basics of self-maintenance, both in terms of illness and injuries."

"Yes, sir," I saluted, "I just ask one favour in return."

He cocked his head to the side, awaiting my request.

"Make it protocol to bathe at least twice a week when no practice is taking place," I said, "make it a rule that the soldiers must bathe after every practice and every expedition or small mission. The highest cause of disease is uncleanliness, and I don't see why we shouldn't evade any illness before it strikes."

The Commander nodded and I was free to be on my way. I was late to dinner, but Max had saved me a seat as well as set me a tray of food. I think she felt bad for what happened that afternoon. I quietly greeted the others on the table, nodding to the same group that had been there that morning.

"So, Heidi," Mike snickered, leaning his elbows on the table, "about this afternoon-"

My face felt as though it burst into flames, but before he could continue his sentence, someone stepped up behind him and shoved his face down into the mush of mash potatoes on his plate. I flushed even further as Levi held the troublesome brunet down, flashing me the smallest of grins before he released his friend and continued walking on his way.

Hanji burst into a fit of laughter at sniffy guy's expression, and even I couldn't supress a giggle as a gob of potato remained caught in his goatee.

"How did your training go, Heidi?" Ilse asked, shovelling a spoonful of rice into her mouth.

The sigh that exited my mouth was long, loud and drawn out.

They laughed.

"I think I'm destined to be cannon fodder," I confessed quietly to Keji.

Beside me Max roared in laugher, thumping my back so hard I was sure it was going to break.

"Don't worry about it!" Hanji soothed, "You will get better with practice! Physical abilities don't really matter outside the wall if you stay with the cargo, all you need to do is ride a horse well."

Ah. Horses. My good friend the horse. Mr horse. Hmm. Yes.

Too bad I've never ridden one.

Ilse seemed to read this on my face, but she laughed nervously in denial, "Yeah, riding horses is really great, especially at high speeds, isn't it Adelheid?"

Yeah, it's great wHEN YOU ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO RIDE A HORSE.

The spectacular grimace I displayed was answer enough, and the whole table seemed to groan simultaneously.

"Whoops," I giggled, fearing for my safety and then –

"I'll teach you how to ride."

I froze at the voice behind me.

"Levi?" Hanji gaped, eyes wide, "Y-You're going to teach her?"

I turned as he set his icy stare on her, "That's what I said, Shitty Glasses."

I felt the stares of everyone on my back, and I flushed an ungodly red as they all waited for my reply with bated breath.

"Th-thank you," I spluttered(such eloquence, I know), cursing my splotchy face and jittery nerves.

Wait, I can hear someone coming! I'll write later!


	4. VON TITANEN UND MÄNNER

_**Just wanted to say thanks for all you guys that reviewed! **_

_**- Anon (hehe I know who you are!) **_

_**- openedlocket (you're my baby)**_

_**- moveslikejeagerr**_

_**- Guest user(s)**_

_**- Potatogirl (they won't be mentioned - not directly, anyway)**_

_**- BeyondtheBooty **_

_**- Ubermarine (Commander Dawk is Nile's father! He's next in linehaha)**_

_**- xmoonlightxblossomx (you'll just have to wait and see, won't you darling? hehe)**_

_**- Luna96 (love you so much)**_

_**- Wessss (she's only around 19 so she's still got a little way to go before she's not as childish haha)**_

**IMPORTANT NOTE: MAX'S WRITING WILL BE FEATURED SOON. SHE'S QUITE EXPLICIT AND TAKE THIS AS A WARNING. Also, if you spot any errors at all it's because it was _intended_ that way. Max isn't very prim and proper, and she wasn't raised learning how to read and write. (Max is written by my good friend and beta, Luna96)**

_**UPDATE DAYS WILL BE THURSDAY/FRIDAY!**_

* * *

Sup guys, Max here. I stole this blasted book off Heidi when she went for a lunchtime meeting with the Commander. I think I'll copy what she did before.

**Year 841**

**Thursday midday, January 4th**

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria)**

**Mess Hall**

"Is that the little book Heidi always lugs around?" Mike asked as he placed his fat arse on the bench beside me.

"Yes, now shut your face, I'm concentrating here," I snapped back sassily – and here I am writing.

Hehe this is more entertaining than I imagined.

Lalala yada yada boobs hehe fuck fuckity balls shit nipple peNIS heheh

I hope your head bursts from reading those curses, Heidi dearest!

Lots of love,

Maxine, Queen of you fuckers.

**Later, bunker 221 **

Reasons to kill Maxine Kauffman:

_1. She steals my clothes (despite being vertically accelerated by miles)_

_2. I think she takes joy in traumatising me emotionally_

_3. She's better at physical activity_

_4. The issue of height (seriously, it's not fair that she's a good foot and a half taller than me!)_

_5. Her expletives almost made my head burst_

_6. She constantly puts me in awkward situations and has a laugh on the side as she watches me squirm my way out of them_

_7. She is evil (and dumb. She began the latest entry as though talking to an audience? Note to self: must study specimen further to determine brain size)._

_8. She has the definite capacity to murder me in my sleep and hide my body where no one would find it_

Remind me why I haven't killed Max yet? Maybe I should make a list for that, too.

Why I haven't killed Maxine Kauffman yet:

_1. She's good at keeping bullies away_

_2. Occasionally she's funny_

_3. She has pretty eyes_

_4. Her shoes are the perfect size to act as door stoppers_

_5. She saves me food_

_6. She gives bangin' massages_

_7. She taught me how to swear_

_8. Although she may be a bitch (oh yes, I swore!), she's a ridiculously considerate bitch_

Hmm.

I guess the scales are even.

Her next move will decide whether she dies old and grey, or whether she is murdered at the tender age of twenty-one.

I might have to kill Hanji too – I mean, hasn't the girl ever heard of the dangers of playing with fire? She literally set her desk on fire not five minutes ago, claiming it was 'intentional' and for 'researching purposes'. She almost set our room alight and the majority of it is made up of stone, so that's saying something.

I have to give her some credit, though – she's a genius. We spent the better part of an hour (before she set fire to her workplace) discussing a new idea she conjured regarding titans ingesting explosives. Our conversation was quite riveting (I'm not being sarcastic, I genuinely enjoyed talking to her!)

The scientist doesn't seem to be heading to bed any time soon, but whether that's due to insomnia or just an overly-active mind, I can't be sure.

Dinner was quite the event. Levi sent one of his sub-ordinates over to tell me the lesson times and dates. I ate lots of potatoes and carrots (I could swear my skin was tinted orange from the sheer amount of carotene I've ingested).

The meeting with the Commander went quite smoothly, despite me being half dead from training. I managed to coerce him into changing the menu for lunch and dinner. A new range of salads, meats, pastries and fresh fruits are on the list, with a little aid from my funds. It sure is nice having financial stability.

I'd elaborate on today's events, but training was a bummer and I'm absolutely_ exhausted_. I'm heading to sleep.

**A bit later, bunker 198 **

Hey Heidi, it's Max again (yeah, yeah, I snuck into your room and stole the damn book, get over it).

I have a lot to tell you about what's happened over the past eight years, so I'm going to write it down seeing as you can read faster than I can speak.

A lot has happened since I saw you last. Pa's being taken care of by Jim's wife and kids, Ross got married and Jack had a kid (they're my brothers in case you forgot!). I'm a successful member of the Scouting Legion (duh) and I have horrible hand writing (I'm so, so sorry). I missed you.

I know you're wondering about the tension between Erwin and I… eh… there's a bit of history there.

It all started last year – I'd been in his squad for a year and he constantly tried to teach me discipline so I would follow orders out beyond the walls (he was an idiot to think I'd muck up out there). I blame our predicament entirely on him. He always demanded I do measly chores around his office, like scrubbing the floors, dusting or just general cleaning duties. I (being me) managed to rile him up in any way I could just to make the boredom pass. I'd dance around in my cleaning apron, sing into the mop, sneak vodka and wine into a flask from his private stores when he wasn't watching (the usual).

One fateful day, I was dusting lightly around his desk. I stepped behind him and dusted along his shoulder, up, up, up, until the feather duster was tickling his jaw. Quick as lightning, he spun around, stood up and slammed me against the bookcase behind his desk. You can guess what else slammed into my thigh *winks*. Heheh… well… I sort of… maybe… I… well… I KISSED HIM, OKAY!

That's all, I promise.

Until the week after that, when he kissed me against his door and… uh… some _touchy_ things happened.

Tension was high between us and it wasn't long before he… well, before I – I don't know how to tell you this, you're always so innocent…

Oh, damn it to the depths of hell, I'll just say it -

He fucked me hard against his desk and I loved every moment of it.

There, got that out, and now I feel better for it!

Seeing as we barely see each other, even at meal times due to your bloody wild schedule, I'll be awaiting your reply in the next entry.

Love you my little golden haired cherub (+ boobs).

**Year 841**

**Friday midday, January 5th**

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria)**

**Stables **

Max! This was meant to be G-Rated! I cannot believe you let him touch you and – oh fuck it, I don't care about being lady-like anymore, how did it feel? Was he good? Did it hurt? Should I do it?

Why does he ignore you now though? Is it just for show, as in you don't want the other members of the legion to know about it, or are you genuinely that awkward around each other? PLEASE TELL ME BECAUSE I AM CONFUSED!

Also, I've got to ask you something.

Is it normal to feel a connection with someone due to height? Not that there's any connection to speak of, I'm just curious… hah… yeah… hmm.

I've decided that I like horse riding. By horse riding I mean riding horses, not the feel of a muscled chest at my back and firm arms wrapped around me to keep me steady. I especially don't mean being able to feel a washboard eight pack from the friction caused by riding either. And really, my chest bindings weren't loosened by me, I swear! The girls just decided they needed a bit more leeway, occasionally choosing to bounce against those glorious biceps…

Ah.

Yes.

The page was _not_ just smudged by my saliva.

I was _not_ drooling.

Heh.

Well, the boss is calling me in for some afternoon training, so leave the diary on my bed and I'll get to reading it later!

Love you, killer queen.

**Year 841**

**Friday (Saturday?) too early, January 6th (7th?)**

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria**)

**Bunker 198**

(EW DROOL!)  
Well, my dearest sweet innocent Cherub, Heidi, despite the fact that you haven't seen me in YEARS, you should know well enough that keeping things G-rated is not the way I do things, (especially considering the boob incident the other day, which by the way I am NOT sorry about but I did forget to mention, WOW they have GROWN! Where have you been hiding those babies sister! Thanks to me now every man in the legion knows just what's going on under that little nurses outfit of yours and you'll never be bored after hours ever again! Well, after we do something about your unfortunate height of course).

Cherub, what do you mean you can't believe I let him touch me!? You'd better believe it, because he did, and I may have done some touching for myself too... well alot of touching actually. Did you know just how unflattering these ridiculous uniforms of ours are! Did you know that he has AN EIGHT PACK HIDING UNDER THAT STUPID BAGGY SHIRT!? AND MUSCULAR SINEWY ARMS!? YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THOSE ARMS CHERUB. EEEEP YOU SAID FUCK! IM SO VERY PROUD OF YOU MY LITTLE PROFANE PROTÉGÉE!

And to answer your question, no he didn't feel good, he felt bloody amazing! Like completely out of this world amazing! It happened a little suddenly so I wasn't nearly prepared for it but I was so caught up in everything he was doing and everywhere he was touching me to bother myself about the pain. It was fleeting and insignificant and there was no way I was letting him stop once he started. On the other hand I was sore for DAYS after. I remember having bruises all over my hips and backside and wearing that blasted 3DMG is a right pain in the arse especially when he was watching me all smug looking because he knows it was his fault the fucker. I take back everything I said about our uniform I love it to bits because it covers every goddamned mark that idiot boy gave me. He has some sort of obsession with my neck and jaw, he just kept on sucking at it and BAM next second there's dark purple bruises everywhere. I can't even say I got beat up when people notice because god knows no-one could ever get close enough to do this to me especially because they are all well aware that they would be hand fed to titan scum if they ever did.

I must seem like the biggest whore to you at the moment, Cherub, so let me begin by explaining myself from the beginning. As you know I have quite a history of harassing my superiors so much that I've oft been flogged within an inch of my life and I have the scars to prove it unlike you, you perfectly beautiful wench. I continued my childish antics here during training sessions simply to alleviate the boredom that comes with destroying every son of a bitch that thinks he can beat me in a fight. The captains got over it after a while only because they wanted to send me beyond the walls someday and needed to keep me somewhat intact.

They continued on with this ignorant facade until I was placed in Erwin's squadron when I was 18. Unlike Levi and the others, he never got used to not having his every whim and order obeyed and ended up yelling himself hoarse at me on a daily basis. He obviously figured out after a while that one may yell at me until the titans decide to eat each other instead of us, I won't listen, silly boy. So he had me come and clean his chambers and wash his clothes which only infuriated me.

You know me well enough to know what happened next. Yes. I'm not proud of it but I dipped his clothes in horse piss, hid his weapons, replaced his vodka (which I saved for myself) with the dishwater from the kitchens and worst of all I paraded and danced around his room in his own clothes and boots imitating him. He DIDN'T like that at all. Anyways back to… that day as you know I cleaned his room and dusted all the way up his beautiful sinewy arm ( which I didn't know was beautiful I sinewy at the time) until I reached his stupid chiselled jawline, god only knows what possessed me to do that but HEY I was bored! I do stupid things when I'm bored!

Next second, his body went rigid and his sexy jaw clenched and he slammed the maps he was holding down onto the table, stood up so quickly that his char went flying to the ground, and pushed me up against the bookcase behind the desk. He just kind of stared at me for ages after that, pinning my arms to my sides. I could've gotten out easily if I wanted to but honestly, Cherub, his face was barely a breath away, smelling faintly sweet like he had been drinking whiskey. His eyes were hard, (not his only hard body part;) but they're the prettiest blue I've ever seen and I just didn't want to move, especially since he was growling (yes growling!) something huskily at me that I didn't quite catch because I was a little bit preoccupied wondering what his perfectly bow shaped, full dark lips tasted like, (probably whiskey) and he kept running his tongue across his bottom lip and catching it between his teeth and that's when it happened.

I leaned up an inch since he isn't more than half a head taller than me and kissed him full on the mouth. To this day I have denied to him that it was my instigation that brought us to where we are considering he was the one pushing me up against the book case touching my body with every inch of his, his rock hard abdomen pressed up against my chest. He ravaged my mouth after that, immediately parting my own lips apart to explore with his tongue. His hands roamed my body shamelessly, gliding down my arms, over my hips, back up over my knotted stomach and breasts leaving a burning trail everywhere he touched as he continued sucking and biting at my lower lip.

Somehow my hands found the nape of his neck and started playing with the strands of silky hair there. He hissed when I tugged at it and scraped my nails against the skin between his shoulder blades beneath his shirt which made me smirk against his lips knowing that I could elicit such a reaction from him. In one, swift movement, he slid his hands away from my neck which he was holding tightly in place, over my hips and backside to lift me up and press me harder into the wall. I heard him groan near my ear as I wrapped my legs around his waist and squeezed, keeping him locked close to me. I couldn't help but laugh when he blushed as I felt his hardness rub against my inner thigh.

Things were getting a bit heated at that point when some imbecile knocked on the door. I jumped in surprise but Erwin barely spared it a glance as he continued attacking my neck with hot kisses. When the knock came again followed by some indiscernible shouting, I dropped my legs from around his waist and he pushed me under the desk so that I wouldn't be seen in my current state with messy hair, wild eyes and half buttoned shirt. He straightened his appearance and cleared his throat and resumed his seat at the desk (silly idea really) before calling for the visitor to come in.

I didn't know who it was but they were arguing about something and bored as I was cramped beneath his desk, I began unlacing his shoes and massaging his legs causing him to stiffen and stop mid-sentence. I've got to give him some credit though, he ignored me well enough. After about ten minutes he got up to follow the other man out when his feet suddenly caught on something and he went sprawling to the floor with his shoelaces tied together.  
So as you know that wasn't the last time, and it was quite fun after that, he was very excited about it and pulled me into empty rooms and cupboards whenever he felt like it and we did lots of kissing and touching and it was a lot of fun except for those bloody marks he kept leaving on me until we were in his office once again and he was looking particularly stressed so I started rubbing his neck and shoulders as he sat at his desk poring over maps and some other rubbish.  
I don't even remember how he lost his shirt or how my lips suddenly joined my hands, littering kisses all. Along his neck and shoulders. He dragged me down onto his lap so I was straddling him and his mouth was suddenly on mine, his hands creeping under my shirt and slipped it over my head. I'll tell you all about it in person hehe.

It mostly started off as a mutual agreement to avoid each other in public so that our extracurricular activities wouldn't become too obvious to the nosy gits in this place but for some reason he just completely ignores me now, he doesn't even make me do chores anymore (how is it possible that I would miss doing chores!?). He only ever calls for me now for a quick shag and nothing more even though we would sometimes sit and talk for hours after. I never thought I'd say this but I miss him.

As for your little height dilemma, I think it's positively idiotic to think you have a connection with someone due to height unless said person was incredibly sexy and happened to be struggling to keep his eyes on your face when your girls were bouncing in full view. Particularly when he was supposed to be stopping others from ogling you.  
Cherub, you've been afraid of riding horses since you were nine years old. The fact that in fortunately privy to such information allows me to deduce that you've taken a liking to a certain short statured, horse riding trainer and good friend of mine, Mr Levi Rivaille. I can account for those washboard abs too by the way, they are quite glorious to look at, and now if you play your cards right you'll be touching them in no time! Yes, yes, go enjoy your, "training," with Levi.  
Talk to you later, Cherub! MWA  
P.S. does this training encompass teaching you how to be less of a prude? Or is all that horse riding really only to teach you how to mount your instructor?

**Year 841**

**Saturday afternoon, January 7th**

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria**)

**Hospital Wing**

Max! Despite your wondrous adventures together behind closed doors (and sometimes not so behind closed doors), you cannot let him treat you as such! His behaviour towards you it utterly inappropriate! I don't care that you enjoy the 'bad boys' as you so conveniently put it, you are a lady and a **strong** lady at that, hence you can't let him treat you like a common dumb handmaid! You're better than that, Max!

Alright, alright, I _was_ scared of horses, but that all changed after my first lesson – let me explain.

I was walking down to the stables in the morning, hoping I wouldn't make a fool of myself as I usually did (high hopes, I know). I spotted him before he saw me, he was standing (dangerously) close to a chestnut coloured horse, petting the (wild) tame beast as he murmured nonsensical things to keep it calm (I could tell the beast was singing for my blood, I felt it in my bones).

"Ah, Heidi," he greeted, the smallest little crooked grin on his mouth.

"H-Hello, Captain," I murmured, edging away from him as he opened the stall and began guiding the horse over to me. He frowned as he noticed my movements, but said nothing.

"Levi," he said suddenly, his calm voice prompting me to come to a stop as he continued advancing, "call me Levi."

I was frozen in place as he edged closer, the horse trotting along in tow.

"His name is George," the casualness with which he said it had me giggling, hiding my laugh behind my hand.

He reached out and grasped my wrist, slowly extending my arm until he was helping me stroke the horse's velvety neck.

"He's not going to hurt you, Heidi," the way my name rolled off his tongue almost made me giggle again, though I don't know why.

From there he led both George and I out of the stables, until we reached the training grounds. He gave me a boost into the saddle and swung up behind me, tugging me flush against his chest, his arms overlapping mine and his cool breath tickling my ear, "Here," he folded his hands over mine, and we held the reins together. "I'm going to kick him into a trot, so don't be startled," he murmured, chest rising and falling gently against my back for a few moments before he gave George's rump a gentle nudge.

You know of my escapades on horseback from there! Your escapades are _far_ more exotic than mine, however!

This physical intercourse (as I've studied it in my biology books and anatomy section of my doctor's course) didn't sound half as riveting as you described it! Yes, I was cursing you for making me blush at the mere mental imagery you conjured (so what if I was picturing Levi and I rather than you and your beau?), but you certainly opened a doorway within my mind I never knew existed.

Gah, I can feel my face burning at the mere notion of my dream last night – a dream brought on by your overly in-depth description of your days/nights/early hours of the morning with Erwin! I won't say much about it, but it involved Levi, the stables and strangely shaped hats (I think I read it as a 'cowboy' hat in an old story book?). Heedless to say, it was exceedingly difficult to look the Captain in the eye all day!

I think he's making me sick, Max. I get all hot around him and I feel like I'm going to vomit and my head gets all light and my throat feels like it's constricting (sometimes it gets hard to breathe when he looks at me?). I'm showing all signs of a fever but only ever when he's around. I don't understand it Max, it's the most peculiar sensation – and what's worse, I can't seem to find the cause in any of the medical books around here.

Do you know what's happening to me, by any chance?

And what do you mean by 'mount' my instructor, I'm still new to the way you talk!

I've got to go instruct the junior medics, but I'll see you at dinner!

Love you, Maxie!


	5. ZU MONTIEREN ORDER NICHT ZU MONTIEREN

_**A/N: **_

_**Thanks for your reviews, beautiful people!: **_

_**- openedlocket (hehe you'll see)**_

_**- Guest - the one who asked about Max being a different ff author (yes, Max is written by Luna96) **_

_**- Guest (leidi - yes!) **_

_**- Potatogirl (sorry if it's confusing! But yes, it's a prequel - the Wall doesn't fall until 845 and this story starts in 841)**_

_**- Wessss (yes, but later on!)**_

_**- Beowulf (I know, but I wanted to make it like that because he **_**doesn't_ have a surname - so he used the mispronunciation of his first name as his surname!) _**

**_- Anon (me too!) _**

**_- moveslikejeagerr (I laughed so hard I thought I was going to cry! But no, they're not a ship) _**

**_- Anon (BBBB! I love Max, too!) _**

**_- WildSouls 3434 (thank you!)_**

**_- Ubermarine (It just happened Luna96 and I accidentally went crazy) _**

**_- xmoonlightxblossomx (haha! And yes, there will be some times when she's cut off mid-entry and you'll find that some entries are missing - but it's all part of the story!)_**

**_- Other Guest users and Anons (thank you!)_**

**_Reviews keep me going, thank you so much, everyone!_**

**ALSO, THIS FIRST ENTRY IS WRITTEN BY MAX - and a quick question;**

**_Can you tell the difference between Max's writing and Heidi's writing?_**

* * *

**Year 841**

**Sunday morning, January 8th**

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria**)

**Mess Hall**

To my dearest four eyed cherub with great tits, while your concern for my well-being with Captain Erwin the Douchebag is touching, I do not let him treat me like a common dumb handmaiden. On the contrary, it can be argued that HE is the one being treated as such.

While he may be on a quest to ignore me at all times aside from those times when he's in need of a good fuck, I'm not one to let such douchebaggery go without a good fight. He repeatedly told me that he could fuck any other woman if he wanted to and I was pissed off at first until I figured that he wasn't actually with anyone else the lying coward (I still can't figure out why though!).

He was having more severe withdrawal than I was (and that's saying something). So even though he would never damage his pride by seeking me out when he wanted to fuck me whenever he was mad, I always found the time to corner him. I would start off slowly, teasing him with soft fleeting kisses and insufficient touches until he couldn't help but respond.

Before he could so much as get a button of my shirt undone I would press one last kiss to his lips and saunter off leaving him with a killer hard on so that he would see how hard (no pun intended) (who am I kidding PUN DEFINITELY INTENDED) to finish himself off without me and just how unsatisfying it was not having me around.

Not trying to be cocky here cherub but I happen to know for a fact that he likes me quite a bit since most girls are happy to let him have his way with them, but I'm not most girls and I'd rather have my way with him. Every time I approached him after that I'd give him more and more but it was just not enough and soon, just you wait and see, I'll have him begging for me MUAHAHA!

OOOOHHH he lets you call him _Levi_ does he? You do know he knocked Mike across the back of the head the first time He called him that without addressing him as 'Captain' first? He did the same to me! Looks like he's taken a liking to you. Oh stop giving me that look! Yes that look… you know exactly which one I'm talking about! The one when you're all "that's not true!" or "that's not possible" or my personal favourite, "you're being immature Maxie, you don't know what you're talking about!" Yes I know you and I also know Levi and he has never shown a shred of kindness towards anyone sans Erwin.

For him to open up to you is a big deal! Not to mention he's probably having naughty dreams about you too. Yes you did really write that in here. I can't believe you're having kinky sex dreams about your Captain, you little minx, you! I'm so proud and glad to provide your naive little mind with some imagination. Oh but the cowboy hats, cherub? I mean I always knew you'd be a real talented slag once I'd de-pruded you, considering you've got amazing tits and all but the COWBOY DREAM, cherub? I didn't know you had it in you! I wipe tears from my eyes with pride as I write this.

Oh he gives you a fever does he? Does he make your pulse race and your heart skip a beat? Oh I know what's happening to you all right you silly girl! You won't find it in any of your rubbish medical books - my little cherub is falling in love! (With kinky sex dreams on the side hehe SO PROUD) Believe me all these feelings like your silly fevers and clammy hands as well as your desire to fuck the shit out of the Captain is all for the best.

Life is less stressful when you have someone to bang all your anger and hurt and frustration out of you until you're left with nothing but a warm shell of bliss and ecstasy. Ask Erwin, he of all people should know.

Wanna hear something neat? If you watch him close enough, you can tell he's been fucked well (by me and my amazing talents of course) by the slight turn up of his lips when he see me even though he tries to hide it, or the fact that that stupid crinkle between his brows disappears, he even HUMS UNDER HIS BREATH CAN YOU IMAGINE! And he talks more easily and compliments us when he's correcting his squads technique in training, not to mention he's generally less short tempered and more pleasant to talk to and he SMILES!

Wow he's gorgeous when he smiles don't you think? Go on, you just watch for yourself and I'll bet you'll be able to pinpoint the exact days I've gotten to him, being as clever as you are. You could do the same to Levi and maybe get him to smile once in a while. He'd be really pretty if he smiled.

Ahh and I've noticed that while you seem to be perfectly adept at picking up the good, physical tricks from me, I see you are still too pompous to bother reading between the lines. Please ask your teacher what it would mean for you to 'mount' him. He's much more qualified to teach you such things than I am. And I'm sure he'd be much, much more thorough.  
Anyways, time to go seduce Erwin and leave him naked in some broom cupboard, maybe I'll make him have to search the entire place for his clothes! He'd have to traipse around the whole campus stark naked! Oh it's too brilliant, I'm a genius cherub! I'm going to have a bit of fun with this one as payback for calling me his own private whore (which I know he didn't mean because he usually says the sweetest things to me and overlooks my mischief which is the greatest gift a troublemaker like myself could ask for! Maybe he's falling in love with me like you are with Levi!? Oh dear lord I hope not, we'd have a real problem then!).

Don't forgot to ask Levi what the proper technique to mount him is!  
Adios cherub!

**Year 841**

**Monday evening, January 9th**

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria**)

**Mess Hall **

I – I…

I am an idiot.

Maxine Kauffman is an evil bitch that thrives on my embarrassment.

Everyone heard. _Everyone_. She went and told _everyone_.

My level of mortification is higher than the inner Wall of Sina.

I may as well off myself now.

This morning's horse riding session had gone well, and so as my instructor and I brushed the horses and unsaddled the beasts, I decided to ask Levi a very pressing question.

"Levi?" I asked, concentrating on the brush in my hands.

"Hn?" he hummed, already removing his horse's saddle.

"Hypothetically speaking, how would a trainee 'mount' a trainer?" he made no indication that the question was out of the norm, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I began to work on George's saddle.

Levi came up beside me, his hands working at the buckles at a fast pace than mine. He didn't reply to my question, his face impassive.

"Levi…?" I looked over to him, trying to gauge his temperament.

The Captain cleared his throat, focussing on the task at hand as he spoke, "Can you be a little more specific about that, Heidi?" his tone was strange, as though he was hoping I wouldn't ask the same question again.

I was contemplating forgetting about it – but the question plagued my thoughts incessantly, and so I stood my ground, squaring my shoulders as I turned to face him.

Thinking it was a good idea at the time, I grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him to face me, staring up at him seriously, "LEVI, HOW DO I MOUNT YOU?"

The question came out much louder than intended (more like a shout), and I saw a blond figure freeze in the doorway to the stables.

Levi stood stock still for a moment, his expression completely blank (though I could see about twelve emotions flicker through his eyes), and finally he stepped back, spun on his heel and bellowed, "_KAUFFMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!_" at the top of his lungs.

He stormed out of the stables, past a stunned Erwin (who must've realised I knew nothing about the statement I'd made), and out into the dreary midday sun. Heedless to say, I was left to fend George off on my own until Erwin took pity on me and came to help.

At that point, I still had no idea about it, and so I turned to him.

"Erwin, why did Levi not answer my question?" the frown on my face must've been comical, because the tall Captain sniggered slightly.

"Uh," he was back to his serious self, "you should ask Max."

Not this again.

Why was everyone avoiding the subject? Ugh, I'd have to take matters into my own hands.

Once I left the stables, I ran in to Nanaba and Dita as they were heading back from a bathroom break.

"Hey, guys!" I called to them down the hallway, "I need to ask you a question!"

"What's up, Heids?" Dita asked, trying his bandana more securely around his head.

"How would I mount someone?"

Nanaba blanched, and Dita's jaw dropped to the floor.

"What?" I asked, worry marring my face, "Why won't anyone answer me?" throwing up my hands in exasperation, I darted away without waiting for a reply.

"Aha!" I exclaimed upon spotting Ilse and Henning as they inspected their equipment, "Can I ask you two a question?"

"Sure, fire away," Henning yawned, stretching his arms above his head.

"Hypothetically speaking, what would a sub-ordinate mounting a higher ranking officer entail, exactly?"

Ilse choked on air and Henning almost fainted.

_WHY?_

I stomped away, wondering why it was so bloody hard for people to just answer my question.

"Hanji!" I cried as I spotted my roommate taking a break from training in the courtyard.

"Adelheid!" she cried back, sloshing water everywhere, "What is it?"

At this point I'd had enough.

"_WHAT IS THE CONCEPT OF MOUNTING?_ _HOW DOES IT WORK? TELL ME HOW TO MOUNT LEVI."_

Heedless to say, everyone in that training courtyard went utterly still – except one person.

Maxine fucking Kauffman slid to the ground, laughing so hard I was sure she'd burst a blood vessel.

So the moral of the story is: DO NOT TRUST MAXINE KAUFFMAN.

I am now thoroughly embarrassed (though I still don't know why?), and I DIDN'T EVEN DISCOVER HOW TO MOUNT LEVI.

This has been a sad, sad day indeed.

**Year 841 **

**Wednesday midday, January 10****th**

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria)**

**Mess Hall **

_**Observing Erwin: Day 1**_

_**Total Erwin observations: 2**_

I have decided to add a new portion to my diary in order to further analyse the relationship between one Major Erwin Smith and Private Maxine Kauffman.

_Observation number 1: Today, I discovered that even after being embarrassedly left to run about the castle naked in search for his clothes, Mr Smith continued to have a certain bounce in his step for several hours afterwards. Also, a goofy sort of grin was caught on his face whenever he thought no one was looking. _

_Observation number 2: Levi asked me why I was spying on Erwin and I was forced to tell him about the observance mission. He stared at me like I had four heads, but in other news he agreed to join in. He informed me that after certain disappearances, Erwin could be caught singing in the men's bathing rooms. _

Hm.

Interesting.

Hopefully these observations may lead me to the discovery of how one day I could possibly mount Levi myself (no one's even told me how yet!).

**Year 841**

**Friday afternoon, January 12th**

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria**)

**Corporal Levi's Office**

_**Observing Erwin: Day 3**_

_**Total Erwin observations: 5**_

_Observation number 3: Erwin can be found in possession of several pairs of Max's underwear (confirmed by Levi)_

_Observation number 4: Flowers appear suddenly at Max's bunker coincidentally at the same times when Erwin's lovely voice can be heard ringing through the bathing rooms (confirmed by me, seeing as I snuck into a closet after training to confirm Levi's statement)_

_Observation number 5: Erwin Smith is a gentleman with a fetish for bad girls. _

…

He's so stupid! Ugh, I'm so angry I think I might just cry! Who goes out in this weather when they're sick? He should have just told me he couldn't make it to our lesson today, I wouldn't have minded in the least, the stupid, idiotic madman!

Calm, Adelheid – be calm.

Yes, deep breaths.

Hmm.

Let me explain.

Yesterday I noticed my dashing instructor had the beginnings of a cold. I stopped him twenty minutes into our lesson and marched him to his office to get some bed rest. Thankfully, he hadn't protested.

This morning, however, was a different case entirely.

He stomped down to the stables, grouchy and sniffily, hair wet and sticking up in all directions from one of his early morning baths I realised he was fond of.

"Let's start," he began, his voice husky and coarse. I frowned and placed my hands on my hips, staring at him expectantly. "Get a move on!" he drawled, sniffing.

"You're sick," I said bluntly, unamused by his diligence.

"I said get a move on, Grünberg, or it's thirty laps!" he snapped, coughing a little towards the end of his sentence.

With a frown I mounted and kicked George into a trot, mind whirring as I tried to come up with a way to successfully get him inside on bed rest. I watched him as he watched me ride, noting his condition, his stance and his gravity defying hair.

When we broke for lunch, he accompanied me inside, and I heard his audible sigh of relief as we were granted shelter from the icy wind. I watched him from the corner of my eye as we made our way into the Mess Hall. He was struggling, I could tell.

"Heidi…" his voice was weak as we reached a table, "I don't feel too well…" and with that, he slumped forward, towards the stone ground.

I lunged forward with a yelp, just barely catching him in time.

"Fuck, what happened?" Mike's voice came from behind me as he rushed to the scene, lifting Levi's heavy unconscious form off me.

"He's a dumbass, that's what!" I snapped, angry at the sick man and myself for letting him get to that stage in the first place. "Come, we'll take him to his room."

Mike hoisted the shorter man over his shoulder, and together we hurried through the halls until we made it to his office/room (it's an office with a bed, a bathroom and a coffee maker on the bedside table?), where the tall man dumped the Corporal onto his large bed.

"I don't get why someone so small needs such a big bed," Mike grumbled, crossing his arms and frowning.

"Hush, you!" I scolded, "Go get me some hot water, my pack from my room and a few sets of clean cloths. Oh, and tell the Commander what happened!"

With that I turned back to Levi and checked his temperature, felt at his pulse and took off his shoes and cape. It was a struggle, but I managed to tug his manoeuver gear belts off him. Mike entered then, bearing two buckets of hot water, my pack, a pot of tea, and some food (don't ask me how he carried it all, I was a bit busy with Levi.

"Quick," I glanced at my friend over my shoulder, "help me undress him."

The man didn't question me as he pulled off his superior's socks, and I went to work at unbuttoning his shirt. I told myself not to ogle, and so I didn't – but that didn't mean my face didn't heat up drastically either.

"You're looking awfully red there, Heidi," Mike teased, a grin on his face, "are you sure you're not feeling ill as well?"

"Oh, shut up," I huffed, gently slipping the sleeves off Levi's extensively muscled arms, my eyes glued to his glorious torso.

"You're going to have to tackle his pants alone, dear," my smart arse assistant chuckled, "I have other business to attend to!" and he bolted out of the room before I could put a word in.

Glaring briefly at the closed door, I turned back to the unconscious soldier, taking a few deep breaths before I reached down to the button on his pants. With a pop, it came undone. Hoping not to wake him, I gently slid down the zipper, blushing at the warmth my hand could sense. With a determined frown I tugged his pants off his hips, careful not to wake him.

Eventually he lay there in nothing but his boxer shorts, his skin a few shades paler than normal and his hair an untidy disarray atop his head. I got to work quickly, adding a few herbs to one tub of hot water to let their healing aromas settle around the room. I added a different set of herbs to the second bucket, and soaked a small towel in it for a few minutes. I then wrung it out and swathed the cloth over Levi's body (most definitely ignoring the way the droplets of water made his torso glisten like an angel… *sigh*).

I washed him all over (sans the space his boxers covered, of course), and even went so far as to cleanse his face also. His forehead was burning, and his whole form quivered with the chills, but that was precisely what was needed. His fever would burn the sickness away. With that thought in mind, I tucked him beneath the warm covers and went about preparing a broth for him when he awoke.

Now I'm sitting here at his bedside, sipping tea and – oh, he's stirring.

**Later, Corporal Levi's Office**

Okay, maybe I'm not so angry at him after all.

He woke with a few groans and a lot of shivering, but when his eyes focused and settled on me, they weren't guarded as usual.

"How do you feel?" I asked, reaching out a hand to feel his temperature – it was still searing.

"Like shit," he croaked, wincing at the pain in his throat.

I reached into my pack and extracted the small jar of honey I kept handy. I scooped out a tablespoon and held it to his mouth, reading his tentative expression.

"It'll help with your sore throat," I assured, smiling softly at his hazy stare. He parted his lips and let me spoon the honey into his mouth, sighing in relief when the soothing sweetness calmed his inflamed throat. "Hmm, better?" I questioned, setting the jar aside before moving to brush his hair out of his face.

He nodded, leaning into my hand, nuzzling his nose into my palm.

"Wh-What happened?" he whispered, not wanting to aggravate his throat further.

"Well, after you so stubbornly refused to listen to me, you collapsed in the Mess Hall and Mike had to carry you here," I explained, not sounding pleased in the least.

He frowned at that, "Who undressed me then?"

My ever antagonising blush made its debut appearance, "Me."

His eyes remained trained on my flaming face, and he cocked his head to the side, "Are you angry at me for being sick?"

My eyes widened in shock, and I shook my head, "No… not at all, Levi," I murmured, "I was just… worried about you. You shouldn't push yourself like that, especially not in this weather."

He averted his gaze then, something akin to embarrassment gracing his face, "I'm sorry," his voice was hard to make out, "I didn't want to disappoint you by not coming to teach you."

I felt something in my chest contract, and my brows pulled together to form a frown, "Levi," I said sternly, leaning down further to look him square in the eye, "you couldn't disappoint me if you tried."

His eyes shifted to stare directly into mine, and my breath hitched in my throat. The light blue was almost translucent, but not quite grey. With the sudden rush of blood to my cheeks, I sat up straight, clearing my throat, "You're going to have a rough night, but I'm staying here so you'll be fine."

His brow furrowed slightly, "You don't have to stay here," he mumbled, "don't miss out on sleep."

I smiled down at him, tutting as I reached out a hand to gently stroke his cheek (I hope he thought I was checking his temperature), "What kind of doctor would I be if I left my patient, my _superior_, unattended?" I broke off in a giggle, but his hand was suddenly covering mine, both placed over his cheek.

"Don't… Don't think of me as your superior," he sighed, "I'm just Levi."

"Alright, 'just Levi'," I chuckled, "do you happen to be in the mood for some broth?"

He shook his head.

"Well then you've got to get to sleep," I said, stifling a yawn.

"You're not going to make me eat?" he mumbled confusedly.

"No," I shook my head, "your body knows what it's doing. If you don't feel the urge to eat, then it's for the best."

"Hmm," he hummed, but he said no more as I let my hand drift to his forehead. His temperature was still high, but he seemed less agitated. Slowly, carefully, I traced the panes of his face, watching in awe as his eyes fluttered closed and his breathing evened out.

Maybe he wasn't such a stupid idiot after all.


	6. BRIEFE NACH HAUSE

_**A/N: **_

_**Thank you, my lovelies: **_

_**NoxBlade1254 (I was laughing as I wrote it!)**_

_**IKhandoZatman (my friend choked on her water and said she was going to sue me…)**_

_**Luna96 (3am writing sessions, oh yeah!)**_

_**Anon (BBBBB! And George yay!) **_

_**Guest (s) (yes, you guessed right my friends… feel free to write names so I can address you guys properly!)**_

* * *

**Year 841 **

**Tuesday evening, January 16th **

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria) **

**Bunker 221**

_Dear Mother, _

_I'm writing to you to apologise. I know how hard you and father worked to get me to where I once lived in Sina, and I really do appreciate your efforts with all my heart. _

_I miss you. _

_I miss father, too, although he probably never wants to see my face again. _

_This place is different from home. It's full of weirdos and misfits, but I blend in with them in the strangest manner. Max is here – Maxine Kauffman, from back when we used to live in Karanese. _

_I know you and father never liked her, but she treats me well here, and she's the person I trust most at the moment. _

_Well, I trust my roommate, Hanji, and my friend named Mike. _

_Erwin Smith, a Captain here – I trust him too. _

_Oh, and I trust… a man named Levi. He's teaching me how to ride horses so I can survive out on expeditions. _

_They need me here, mother. No doctors are affiliated with the legion, and although it might mean my demise, I want to put my skills to good use out here on the front lines. The people here are humanity's best. They are the finest group of morally spectacular humans I've ever had the privilege to meet. _

_The Commander is kind to me (although that might be put down to the fact that I'm at least half a foot shorter than anyone else here), and he's set many people on the task of readying me for the outside world. I hope I can repay them and show my gratitude when I'm sent beyond the walls for the first time in March. _

_Looking forward to reading your reply, _

_Your loving daughter, _

_Adelheid Grünberg. _

**Year 841 **

**Friday evening, January 19th **

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria) **

**Bunker 221**

_Dear Mother, _

_I understand why you didn't reply to my last letter, and that's completely alright with me. _

_I know it's hard for you to accept my decision. Please know that I didn't run away solely because you arranged the marriage between Nile Dawk and I (though that was a major contributing factor). Mother, I ran away because I think I have the ability to genuinely help people who put themselves on the line to better humanity. _

_I know you'd scoff and say, "Heidi, people in the capitol need your help, too! What with the plague, illness, the flu in winter and most importantly, childbirth!", but mother, the needs of the people in the capitol can be seen to by the dozens of other doctors residing there. _

_Did you know that not __one__ qualified doctor can be found throughout the whole Scouting Legion's history up to a few weeks ago? Do you realise how many soldiers die from amputations, not to mention everyday flus and basic issues that can be resolved so simply by a qualified physician? _

_You know what? I don't mind that you don't reply (I know you've seen the letter despite the fact that you sent it back - because the seal is open), but I want you to know about the men and women I've been able to help here. _

_Your ever loving daughter, _

_Adelheid Grünberg. _

**Year 841 **

**Tuesday evening, January 23rd **

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria) **

**Bunker 221**

_Dear Mother,_

_My birthday was quite the event. Max managed to scavenge liquor from somewhere, and although I didn't drink any it was quite hilarious to watch my comrades do so. _

_It was strange not being at home with you and father, one of your homemade cakes on the table in front of me (this one would have had nineteen candles!), you and father showering me with presents like the spoilt little brat I am. _

_I did get presents, although they weren't gifts in the traditional sense. _

_Max got me liquor, Hanji got me a strap in order for me to wear my spectacles while walking around, Mike and Erwin got me a bouquet of flowers, Ilse, Henning, Nanaba, Gerger, Moblit, Luke and Keji chipped in and got me a whole supply worth of pens and pencils that are enough to last me a whole year and a bit! Some soldiers I didn't know quite too well made me special foods from their district. _

_Levi got me a sort of pouch for my old diary that I'm exceedingly fond of. It's waterproof and resistant to all kinds of harsh weather, so I can take my book beyond the wall to document what's going on. _

_I think I like him, mother, in more than a platonic way. I don't know if he likes me though, he can be awfully stoic and reserved, but he's kind to me when other people aren't. _

_Eighteen soldiers came down with the flu last week, and the Hospital Wing was fairly crowded until yesterday afternoon when most of them had recovered. _

_The Commander has a mild case of pneumonia, but I'm treating it as best I can with the limited technology here. I haven't had the need to perform any surgeries or amputations, but I don't think the streak of calm will last long after winter ends. _

_I miss you a lot. Please consider writing back to me._

_Your loving daughter, _

_Adelheid Grünberg. _

**Year 841 **

**Friday evening, January 26th **

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria) **

**Bunker 221**

_Dear Mother, _

_I set a dislocated shoulder back into place a few days ago. The soldiers were sparring quite violently and one almost tore the other's arm off. Thankfully his muscles didn't tear, but they were sprained in the most painful manner. He won't be able to use his arm to its full capacity for a few weeks, but he's glad he has control over the limb at all. _

_The Commander's pneumonia has just about cleared up, and he's ever so grateful towards me. Levi took me out on a ride through the countryside, and though I almost fell off my horse once or twice, he insists I've come a long way (I really only think he said it to spare my feelings. Though he seems as though he has a heart of stone, I can tell he cares about his sub-ordinates a great deal). _

_Max shouted at me yesterday for being 'too modest' when thanked by those I'd healed, but I honestly don't know how to reply to people other than 'I'm just doing my job.' Is it bad that my motive to be a doctor is to want to help the people get better – I mean, should I have an ulterior motive?_

_Do you and father have an ulterior motive, mother? _

_I really would appreciate a reply. _

_Your loving daughter,_

_Adelheid Grünberg. _

**Year 841 **

**Tuesday evening, January 30th **

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria) **

**Bunker 221**

_Dear Mother, _

_I sprained my ankle in training yesterday by slipping on a shard of ice. I'm stuck in my bunker with my roommate Hanji until I recover, and the weather clears up. It's storming down here mother, how's the weather back up at the capitol? _

_Hanji and I stay up all night discussing the mystery of the titans. Our conversations are exceedingly stimulating, and I enjoy the intellectual challenges of interacting with a scientist as eccentric as her. We're going to ask the Commander for permission to capture titans beyond the wall and conduct experiments on them in hopes to discover their ultimate source. _

_It's cold here, and sometimes I miss my warm house. The food here is steadily improving, but it's hard to get over the luxuries of the capitol. _

_Maxine insists that I'm a good cook and continuously tries to get me to brew a capitol delicacy, but I think she just wants to see me set fire to something in the kitchen. _

_I wish I could have a conversation with you, even if it is through mail. _

_I miss you and father terribly. _

_Your loving daughter,_

_Adelheid Grünberg. _

**Year 841 **

**Tuesday evening, February 3rd **

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria) **

**Bunker 221**

_Dear Mother, _

_I set Maxine's broken nose back into place today. She acquired it in a fist fight with none other than her brother, Adam. All of her brothers are with the Military Police at the moment. Adam came down with Thomlin Dawk when he tried to convince me to return home for the second time. Adam… he is… uh… difficult to say the least._

_Though it pains me to say, the man is a misogynistic pig, and deserved every blow Max bestowed upon him. Why, he had the nerve to tell me women hadn't the brains to be doctors as I was treating him! Levi broke his jaw before he could call me any more vile things. It was strangely alluring, despite the fact it created more work for me. _

_The court is organising for a law to be passed stating that children can join the military from the age of eleven rather than fourteen. Three years doesn't sound like much of a difference, but the mental development of a fifteen year old in comparison to an eighteen year old is significant to a specific degree. _

_I fear the military is making a terrible mistake with lowering the age. It's not right, mother. _

_Hoping you and father are well. _

_Your loving daughter, _

_Adelheid Grünberg. _

**Year 841 **

**Friday evening, February 6th **

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria) **

**Bunker 221**

_Dear Mother, _

_I've decided to take the military to court, acting as a doctor with concerns about the wellbeing of the next generation of soldiers. Erwin has agreed to help me in my quest to change the age back to fourteen – even possibly older if I can procure enough evidence._

_Today I treated a few patients from Shinganshina seeing as the primary doctor there (our friend Dr Jeager) is touring through the inner districts on some home calls. They were poor, so I took no payment – but they did make me a gorgeous apple pie in return! _

_I feel as though I'm putting all my years of study to good use at long last. Not that I didn't feel significant in the capitol – but mother, you know how mild and rare it was to come across any challenging cases. Here I'm helping some ex-soldiers with rehabilitation. _

_One particularly idealistic soldier suggested I experiment with reattaching amputated limbs if possible – and… well, the thought's played on my mind for a while. In the case where limbs are severed and still intact, I think I might just be capable of reattaching it. I've studied nerve endings, bone fusions, muscle reconnections – almost everything needed to perform a complete reattachment. _

_If I can acquire blood from donors to stimulate the severed limb, I think I may just be able to perform surgery to ensure the victim has full use of their body. Do you think you'd be able to send me any significant notes or theories you have regarding amputation and the reconnection of limbs? _

_Your loving daughter, _

_Adelheid Grünberg. _

**Year 841 **

**Tuesday evening, February 10th **

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria) **

**Bunker 221**

_Dear Mother, _

_I'm having doubts about whether I should even bother writing to you anymore. What's the point of opening my letters and reading them, just to send them back to me? Are you trying to make me feel insignificant? Because it's working. _

_I just want a sign from you – you don't have to write, you don't even have to communicate – just please stop sending my own letters back to me. You're getting my hopes up when I know deep down that you haven't written anything in response. _

_I'm feeling a little homesick, but Max is doing her best to make me forget Sina. She keeps bringing up the old times in Karanese, and she's made me realise how much I miss our old life there. _

_I wish we stayed there instead of moving to the capitol. You know as well as I that my childhood up to the age of eleven was turbulent at best, and I doubt it could even be called such. As for when we moved to Sina – there was definitely no semblance of childhood there. If a stranger were to walk into our house they'd never guess it was home to a little girl as well as two doctors. _

_I'm not certain you and father did it intentionally or not – but I grew up all too fast. Only now can I be truly grateful for the way you raised me. You taught me independence and strength in all aspects of life (sans physicality), and I'm using it now more than ever. _

_Hoping not to see this letter return. _

_Your loving daughter, _

_Adelheid Grünberg. _

**Year 841 **

**Friday evening, February 13th **

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria) **

**Bunker 221**

_Mother, _

_I've heard the law in inner Sina has officially changed to relatives of the king only. I hope you're immune to the movement, being a prestigious doctor and all. I'm also wishing your friends a successful relocation to the outer districts of Sina. _

_Don't worry for them, mother, they're all well off and the outer districts are luxuries in themselves! _

_Levi and Erwin made Max scrub the dungeon clean because she vandalized the Mess Hall in red paint to symbolise a woman's monthly struggle. She claimed the military was a misogynistic patriarchy, and though I don't agree with the misogynistic aspect I do believe that the patriarchy makes it more convenient for male soldiers to rank above female soldiers. _

_While I understand that females are typically weaker in physical countenance, I don't agree that males are automatically better at dealing with responsibility. Women are just as valuable as men in the military, especially now since the soldier count is seemingly increasing, and there's almost as many females as there are males._

_Max suggested I read up on law and take the matter of female treatment within the military to the official military court, but I'm unsure my abilities extend to law. _

_Your loving daughter, _

_Adelheid _

**Year 841 **

**Tuesday evening, February 17th **

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria) **

**Bunker 221**

_Mother, _

_I think Levi sprained his wrist on Wednesday at training. He refused to admit it, however, and so I was left to fuss about him at our lesson. He allowed me to wrap it and agreed not to participate in training until I told him he could. Sometimes I think he only agrees to humour me, but I only want the best for him. _

_I've been given the date to my first outing. _

_March 1__st_

_Wish me luck. _

_Your daughter, _

_Adelheid _

**Year 841 **

**Friday evening, February 20th **

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria) **

**Bunker 221**

_Mother, _

_I'm scared. The outing is less than two weeks away and I honestly don't think I'm ready. _

_Please reply to this, I need your advice. _

_Wishing you good health._

_Your daughter,_

_Adelheid_

**Year 841 **

**Tuesday evening, February 24th **

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria) **

**Bunker 221**

_Mother, _

_Fine, don't reply. _

_If I don't write again it's because I'm probably dead. Not that you'd care. _

_Regards,_

_Heidi_

**Year 841 **

**Saturday evening, February 28th **

**Scouting Legion Headquarters (Wall Maria) **

**Bunker 221**

_**Observing Erwin: Day 56**_

_**Total Erwin observations: 12**_

_Observation number 6: Erwin smiles to himself every time he catches a whiff of Max's bathing oils_

_Observation number 7: If you look really close, you can see Max's lip balm on his mouth (his lips turn strangely glossy)_

_Observation number 8: He smells like Max more often than not – and she smells like him_

_Observation number 9: He takes less time in the er… bathroom… relieving himself (commonly known as taking a dump) after he sees Max _

_Observation number 10: The subject is much more talkative after a disappearance from him and Max _

_Observation number 11: If time between the disappearances lengthen, Erwin becomes somewhat short tempered and increasingly aggravated_

_Observation number 12: Max suffers almost all the same symptoms as he does_

Heh.

Curious… very curious.

As for myself – well, I still haven't discovered the concept of mounting _and_ I'm going on my first outing tomorrow. I could _die_ and still not understand what that means.

DAMN YOU, MAXINE KAUFFMAN!


	7. WIR SIND DIE JÄGER

_**A/N**_

_**Thank you for your wonderful reviews! **_

_**SmileRen (Not quite! Her parents aren't replying despite the fact that they've seen them)**_

_**TheGirlWithNoIQ (caring Levi is my favourite Levi. Actually, I quite enjoy the snarky Levi who cracks bad jokes… who am I kidding, I love ALL Levis ugh) **_

_**NoxBlade1254 (No worries my sweet! And the mystery of mounting might be solved if she's diligent enough!) **_

_**moveslikejeagerr (hehehe)**_

_**Ubermarine (Muahahah that's the plan!) **_

_**openedlocket (nope, it's her mission to discover it herself!) **_

_**IKhandoZatman (her parents are real snobs!) **_

_**Anon (heheheh beaaaaa)**_

* * *

**Year 841**

**Sunday late afternoon, March 4th**

**Beyond the walls**

Being out here alone is scarier than I anticipated (by alone, I mean without any close friends). It doesn't help that I have absolutely no manner of defence against the titans that might choose to come our way aside from fleeing. Schreiber only allowed me to tag along with the small scouting troop (there's only about twenty of us in total) out past the walls as a test run.

I've told deaths out here are inevitable, but not one person in the set of squads I'm accompanying has perished (…yet. Hey, I just don't want to jinx it!). It's awfully quiet without Max and Hanji around. Scary, too. I haven't seen a titan yet, but I'm in no rush, happy that the scouting troop is merely surveying the landscape to extend their maps of the land beyond the walls. I guess my good luck is finally coming arou

**Later, beyond the walls**

I spoke too soon.

I jinxed it.

Literally as I was writing, a few titans were spotted in the distance and we had to hightail out of there with no time to spare. The giant pounding of their footsteps still echoes in my mind.

I wonder if anyone else is as scared as I am – because I was about to wet my pants mid-flee when the shout came that the titans had spotted us and were headed in our direction. I may or may not have cried (it was only for about five minutes, I promise!). A kind woman named Rene handed me a handkerchief when we came to a stop after the titans were out of sight, and she patted me on the back.

"Was that your first sighting?" she asked me, her voice low.

I nodded, my voice evading me as the others built up a fire to get us through the chilly night.

"That's okay then," she counselled, her voice just above a whisper, "at least you didn't wet your pants like some of the other troops."

I giggled at that, despite the suggestion not being too far off the truth.

"Excuse me," another woman approached us, "you're the medic, hn?"

"Yes," I nodded, looking up at her imploringly.

"In that case, my friend's sprained his wrist and the other's got a fever," she had to speak over the two men's cries of protest from across the bonfire, "they're denying it, but I'd like you to check anyway."

I nodded and stood, hugging my green cloak around me tighter as I padded over to the two exasperated men. The man with the suspected sprained wrist was first up, and with a bit of prodding it seemed that he had fractured it. I told him this as I set it in a splint and wrapped it, advising him not to jolt it too much riding.

The second man did indeed have a fever, to my dismay. We were too far beyond the walls for him to get any semblance of rest, so I brewed him a special tea, banned him from eating or drinking anything sans water and kept some syringes handy for later, if his condition worsened. He protested at the prospect of no food, but after a stern ten minute lecture on the body's healing processes from me, he snapped his mouth shut and drank his tea in silence.

From then on I went around to everyone, ensuring they were in their best health. I treated things from month old rashes to fresh grazes, persecuting even the smallest of sniffles until there was absolutely no chance of anyone returning back to the walls in a state less than perfect.

I can be a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to ensuring health.

So now it's just starting to get late, and I'm wearing my fingers raw from writing in this freezing weather.

There is a pressing matter to be pondered, however.

When we were running from the titans, and my ever cool-headed self began to panic and think I was about to reach my untimely demise, a few strange thoughts flickered through my mind.

First there was fear, and the daunting thought of which ways I'd be eaten.

Second came the many faces of the soldiers in troop I was with, wondering which would find my diary (IF they found it, and whether they'd burn it like I asked).

Third was my friends. Max, Mike and Hanji first and foremost, but then Erwin, Ilse, Dita, Gunter, Erd, Nanaba, Keji, Moblit, Henning, Luke, Gerger and Levi.

With the thought of the last person on the list, my teary face flushed and I threatened to sob hysterically. The thought of not being able to see him again scared me more than someone finding and reading this diary ever could. I didn't want to leave the world without seeing him one last time.

Yes, I know I'm overly dramatic, and I make a much larger deal of everything than I should, but my main point of confusion was _why_ I was thinking this drastically about Levi. I've only known the man for two months! Sure, he taught me how to ride, made sure I was treated with respect, stuck up for me when people called me short, brought me coffee whenever he had some – hold on.

Wait.

No.

Does he… no, he can't possibly_._

Levi Rivaille is well renowned for his stoic nature, his cold treatment of everyone around him. Even his friends faced his snarky comments and blunt insults, Max said so herself… but he doesn't seem to treat me that way. Could it be that he feels sorry for me (for both my tiny stature and feeble luck in anything involving physical activity)? Could it be that he feels as though he owes me for fixing him up when he got the flu (wait, now that I think of it, he was nice to me even before then…)?

Could it be that he would think of me in a near death situation, the same way I thought of him so desperately?

Ugh.

All this thinking is hurting my head.

I don't think my fingers have the strength to withstand any more cold, so I'll most likely write when we get back to Headquarters in a week and a bit. I must discover what it means to mount Levi.

Hopefully I don't die, fingers (preferably not frozen) crossed!

**Year 841**

**Tuesday late afternoon, March 13th**

**Bunker 221**

Home, sweet home.

I have never been more relieved to be inside the walls than I was this morning.

We rode through the gates of Shinganshina swiftly, heading straight through the town until we hit the inner Wall of Maria, just beyond the gates where the docks were situated. From there we headed west, over to where the Scouting Legion's Headquarters stood.

The joy that overcame me at seeing the grand walls of stone had me almost wetting my pants (in excitement, this time!). It made me wonder whether the whole reason the soldiers even ventured outside was to feel this sense of home upon their return. We rode into the entrance courtyard, which was typically empty. I tried to supress the disappointment brewing in my stomach (of course it would be empty, everyone was training!).

I dismounted and tended to my horse in the stable before heading to drop off my sleeping mat at the supplies room. The halls held the familiar echo of the boisterous cooks in the kitchen, the scrubbing of the Mess Hall by a poor squad, the earthy smell of the woods drifting through the lofty windows.

It was calming.

The washrooms were deserted, so I took the luxury of two hot baths, even going so far as to indulge in the scented oils I'd brought with me from the capitol. They smelt like vanilla and chamomile. It reminded me of my mother. Though she was always stern and strict, she remained soft in her treatment of me, and she did only want to see me excel.

Even now, my old life feels eons away, with its immense luxuries and the grandeur of the inner workings of Sina. Despite the hardships down here, a world away, these Headquarters feel more like home by far. Maybe it's that I'm happier here – without having to uphold the formalities of the King's court. The people here are much better, too. I mean, they're a bunch of misfits and weirdos, but so am I, and they make me feel like I belong somewhere.

After my hour long bathing session, I dressed in clean clothes and headed back to my bunk at a leisurely pace. I rounded the final corner and was about to head down the corridor when I spotted him. I know I looked like an idiot, standing there, watching him approach much like a stunned deer, but I couldn't help it. He was so _real_.

My thoughts hadn't done his handsome face justice (nor his muscles, for that matter).

"Heidi," his voice was soft and smooth as ever as he stopped, not five feet away from where I stood.

I wanted to speak, but my tongue was tied. I took three big steps forward and crashed into him, wrapping my arms around his muscled frame. His warmth sent a jolt of relief through me like no other, and I was grateful that he was the first familiar face I'd seen (gah, sorry Max, but he's so _Levi_… and you're… not). I was about to pull away and apologise, but his arms suddenly raised up and pulled me back to him, locking me into place against his chest.

I inhaled, revelling in the smell of ground coffee, cinnamon and fresh laundry. The combination was overwhelming, and ridiculously comforting. His arms tightened around me and he buried his face in my slightly damp hair. The sensation was enough to have me drifting off to sleep. I don't know when my body slackened against his, or when he began holding me upright, but I was roused by his light murmurs of, "Heidi…"

Though my mind was fuzzy, I managed to find my feet, stifling a yawn against the crook of his neck, "I missed you…"

It slipped out by accident, I promise.

His arms tightened around me for a fraction of a second before I was released. I yawned again, rubbing my eyes as he stepped back, "Welcome back," he uttered, light blue eyes surveying me carefully.

I smiled, a slight flush heating my cheeks, "Thank you, Levi. It's good to be home."

"Is all well? How was the mission? Are you hurt?"

His questions caught me off guard – I hadn't realised he'd been wondering anything of the sort. It was probably protocol anyway, him being my superior and such.

"Everything's good," I sighed, beginning to walk towards my room with Levi at my side, "a few colds, a couple scrapes and broken bones, but everyone's back here and we got the information we needed."

He looked at me then, a brow quirked, "_Everyone_ came back?"

I nodded, pushing my door open and heading to the bed, "We were lucky that the titans we came across didn't cause the squads much trouble," I explained, heading to unpack my unused supplies. Levi leaned in the doorway, eyeing the room with distaste (hopefully at Hanji's organisation skills, not mine!). "I'm just glad it didn't storm while we were out there. The terrain is painfully bare."

"You should take a nap," the killing machine in my doorway advised, "you look dead tired."

"Funny, that's exactly how I feel," I yawned, cursing my droopy eyes. I knew I would come off as touchy, but I wanted one more hug to lull me back to sleep. Without really thinking, I half stumbled, half staggered over to the door, practically falling into Levi's arms.

"Sorry," I giggled softly, his cravat tickling my nose.

"Heidi?" his voice was making me even sleepier.

"Hmm?" I hummed in reply.

"I'm glad… I'm glad that you're back," his voice had dropped to a whisper, and his lips were at my ear.

The last thing I was consciously aware of was the sudden sensation of being lifted, the smell of coffee, cinnamon and fresh linen, and then the warmth of my bed.


	8. ÜBER DIE WÄNDE

_**A/N:**_

_**Oh wow you have no idea how sorry I am for the delay! It was a series of me completely forgetting! **_

_**IMPORTANT NOTE: YES, THERE IS A TIME JUMP. NO, I WON'T TELL YOU WHY – BUT IT'S ALL A PART OF THE SET UP OF THE STORY. **_

_**Thank you again for reviewing: **_

_**moveslikejeagerr **_

_**Guest(s)**_

_**wessss **_

_**straYCat**_

_**NoxBlade1254 **_

_**SammiRichGurl **_

_**TheGIrlWithNoIQ**_

_**SimeRen**_

_**IKhandoZatman**_

_**Anon (BEAAAAA)**_

* * *

**Year 841**

**Tuesday evening, April 20th **

**Beyond the walls **

This day has been a blur.

I'm currently on my first official expedition, sitting around a bonfire. The day started off rather simply.

"Keep your heels down, Grünberg," the drawl of Lance Corporal Levi came from behind me, shocking me out of my titan-infested thoughts as we paraded boldly through Shinganshina on our first expedition of the year.

"Yes, sir," I nodded, damning formality to hell, sitting up a littler straighter in the saddle and adjusting my legs nervously, acutely aware of his eyes boring into my back.

"Onwards, men!" the shout from Schreiber came from the head of the formation, and the legion set out on their expedition, heading out to survey the land beyond the walls, and to set down supplies for out next voyage.

I spotted a titan not ten minutes into the expedition, and it was more terrifying than I could've possibly imagined. Its gigantic form lumbered slowly in our direction, a sadistic, toothy grin on its face. The support team dispatched the beast easily, but my eyes were glued to its sizzling form as we galloped past the scene. I was assigned to the centre of the troop with the supplies – apparently the safest section within the legion, according to Hanji.

(The formation was something suggested and planned entirely by Erwin, and personally I think it's brilliant… albeit terrifying)

It was only an hour in when I began to acknowledge the sheer amount of red smoke littering the horizon as scouts notified the main unit of incoming titans. Squads were being forced to branch off to kill the monstrosities.

I'm not very proud to say I was shaken to my very core to know the man eaters were not far from the place in which I rode. It wasn't my first time out, but it was much scarier with a large group of people attracting more and more titans. Every once in a while a stray black flare was sent up, signalling a deviant case, as Hanji had told me about many times throughout training.

"_Deviant cases are abnormal," the bubbly scientist said, a bounce in her step as we made our way to the stables, "they ignore the outer formation and plough through the middle to create more destruction! How fascinating!"_

Though I already knew about deviant cases and the different classes, the fact still managed to shake me up. I did promise to brief my bespectacled friend on any special case I might come across in the field.

It had only been two hours before a deviant came stomping chaotically in the direction of the supply carts. It was clumsy, but it was fast. It took more willpower than I'd like to admit not to start screaming at its increasing proximity. It shot through the gap where the left region of scouts should have been, but was taken down before it could reach us. Soon, soldiers were streaming in for treatment.

I left my horse to ride alongside the medical cart, leaping through the swinging door of the small moving room, marvelling at how the inside seemed relatively stable even on the uneven land as I turned to face my first patient. The broken arm he sported wasn't life threatening, but if left for a long period of time unset, the bone would never truly heal. With a sigh, a stick to the man's mouth and a sharp snap, his arm was back into place, set in a splint, wrapped in bandage and hung in a tight sling within minutes. Nodding at my handiwork, I knew the man would be able to ride alongside the carts without much difficulty.

The second soldier had a set of nasty bite marks on her arm. Seeing as they weren't deep, I went to work cleaning them out, disinfecting them, rubbing a thick layer of salve and finally bandaging them, all within minutes. There, I took the time to thank whatever gods there were for my years of working in the emergency ward of the hospital as I sent the girl off, letting two other injured men into the small moving carriage.

It took me little time to patch up the small wounds or broken bones they'd attained, but it was well worth the immediate, thorough treatment, I knew that much. By the time night began to fall and the cart began to slow to a trot, I was carefully stitching a man's finger back in place from where it had been bitten half off. It was hard work, gruesome and bloody, but it had to be done before the blood loss killed him – or before the limb began to rot and fall off. A few minutes after the cart had rolled to a stop, the door at the back of the wooden carriage was thrown open. I didn't have to look to know it was Hanji standing there.

The bespectacled scientist yelped at the sight momentarily before she broke off laughing, "Hey Mike, get a load of this!"

I ignored my friend's antics, and I frowned as I firmly shot the needle through the bloody skin and pulled the thread tight, as though I were merely concentrating on an intricate crochet. When I was done, I used the bottle of water at my side to squirt the blood away. Being quick about it, I applied the salve, wrapped the limb and sent the man off on his way. I'd counted forty men and women that had sought me out for treatment.

"Come on, Adelheid!" Hanji exclaimed, reaching in the cart to drag me out of my den, "Dinner time!"

I shrugged her hand off and took a moment to stretch, groaning at the kinks in my sore back for a moment before I was dragged along to the bonfires by Hanji yet again. Max was sitting beside Dita, laughing at something or another. I sat on the log beside her, looking to Hanji.

"Why is Levi glaring at me like that?" I asked my bronze haired friend, slightly nervous as his cool eyes bored into me.

"Hn? Oh, you have a speck of blood on your cheek," the researcher informed me chirpily, "you know how he is with neatness-"

She was cut off as the man himself strode over, grabbed me by the face tightly in one hand (ok, I admit I wouldn't have been against it if he chose to lean down and – oh, never mind) and began scrubbing furiously at my cheek with a handkerchief. When he was finished with that, he pulled out his water bottle and splashed it over my boots. I squealed in shock, but made no attempt to pull away.

"There was blood on your shoes," he bit out, reaching out a hand to pat me on the head stiffly before he strode over to Erwin, leaving me with slightly damp socks and a sore cheek.

"Wh…What…?" I murmured as Hanji roared with laughter, handing me some bread, cheese and a ration bar (eugh, ration bars don't count as food!).

"You should have s-seen your face!" the woman cried, slapping her knee and successfully drawing the attention of dearest Maxine, "I wish I could freeze frame that moment!"

"Hmph!" I huffed, elbowing the eccentric in her side as the tall bane of my existence strutted over.

Mike chose that moment to sit beside me, "Good job Miss Nurse!" he smiled, nodding to the recruits, "Seems like everyone's bandaged up around here!" True to his word, many soldiers were strolling about the camp with white bandages in several places.

"It's good I'm of _some _use – it's not like I'm of any help on the battlefield," I laughed nervously, rubbing the back of my neck.

"We're lucky to have you," Max grinned as she came to a stop before us, plonking herself unceremoniously on the floor.

I felt my cheeks become hot and I looked away, hoping I didn't look as much a fool as I felt. Everyone had fought today, aside from me. It's not that I wanted to be a hero, but I still felt useless whenever the titans got close.

Everyone's in bed, sans the soldiers on watch, and I think it's time I retired too. Hopefully tomorrow is a calm day.

**Thursday evening, April 21st **

**Beyond the walls **

I jinxed it. _Again_.

Horribly.

Not an hour before midday yesterday, everything went horribly wrong.

I rode alongside a new recruit named Sarah, and was telling her how to properly stop blood flow from an amputated limb as we approached the edge of a forest and prepared to stop to rest the horses.

"I need some more Poppy," I told the girl, dismounting clumsily, "I can find some in the forest."

The girl's blue eyes widened, "The forest with those giant trees?" she nodded to the massive trunks behind us.

I nodded, "Yes. The Red Poppy has many uses, it can be used to ease pain and cools all inflammations amongst other things."

"Can I come with you?" her voice was excited, eager to learn more.

I smiled at her then, "Let's go ask one of the squad leaders for permission."

We wandered around until I spotted a familiar figure, "Erwin!" I called, waving as he turned to look for the source of my voice.

"Yes, Adelheid?" he replied, observing Sarah and I curiously.

"Do you think it's safe enough to venture a little ways into the forest? Sarah and I must retrieve some Red Poppy, I'm running a little low on my stores."

The golden haired man nodded grimly, "Yes, but tread with care. The scouts have checked the area, but be on guard, and don't be long."

I nodded, trying to hide my smile as Sarah practically bounced with excitement beside me. And so the two of us headed into the forest.

"Look around the base of the trees," I advised her, "they're a bright red, you can't miss them!"

"Aha!" she cried after only a few minutes of searching, pointing to splotches of red around the base of a few trees in the distance, "Over there!"

We strolled over leisurely, admiring the awesome height of the trees around us. Stooping low, I plucked as many Poppies as I dared, shoving them into my uniform pockets and gathering as many as I could in my arms before I stood and faced Sarah.

"Come on, Sara-" my breath caught in my throat as she crouched, not one tree over, bending down to pick out some flowers. Behind her was a ten metre class titan. I froze in place, eyes widening in fear as it stood surveying her, a gentle smile upon its face. I wanted to call out to her to stay still, but my voice failed me.

"Hold on a minute!" she called back, hurriedly stuffing her pockets, making to stand.

_No!_ but my internal cry refused to vocalise.

She chose that moment to glance up at me. The expression on my face must've been quite the sight, for she tensed up, hands moving towards her swords. I tried to convey my thoughts with my eyes, but I was paralysed. She glanced over her shoulder just as its hand snatched down and wrapped around her middle.

"No!" she cried – but we were too deep in to be heard by anyone that could help, "Let me go!"

The Poppies fell from my trembling arms as I watched on in terror as it brought its fist closer and closer to its gaping mouth.

"S-Sarah," my voice was small, weak and faltering.

Her eyes found mine in a final plead for her life. She was shouting at the titan, but it felt as though she was shouting at me.

It lowered her into its mouth and my voice finally found me as its jaws began to snap shut.

Her scream mingled with mine, our voices echoing through the vast expanse of trees. Her cry was cut off in a horrid gurgle as the bottom half of her body was severed. Blood splattered the green grass as her lower half was swallowed, soon followed by the rest of her in one foul munch.

The titan's gaze shifted to me, and it seemed as though my body shocked itself into action. I screamed again, horrifically aware of the fact that it was blocking my exit as it advanced closer. Stifling a sob, I spun on my heel and ran, trying desperately not to stumble.

Despite being an utter coward, I wasn't stupid. I knew I couldn't outrun a titan. I had to lose it somewhere in the trees – but no matter what I did or how much I dodged, it would pop up.

"Heidi!" the cry came from somewhere in the distance, up in the trees, but I couldn't look up to search for it. I kept my eyes trained on the terrain in front of me, painfully aware of the titan closing in.

"Heidi! Don't you dare fucking die!" ah, typical old Max.

It was at that moment that I did perhaps the single most stupid thing to date. I looked up.

Yes, it was only for a few seconds, and _yes_, it was to check how far behind the titan was (only a few metres), but it only took that long for me trip and fall. I thought it was the end as I went flying forward, bracing myself for the large hand that would wrap itself around me at any given moment.

Instead of meeting a hand, however, I flew through a set of bushes, and crashed into a heap with twigs and leaves everywhere.

"Fuck, no!"

"Shit!"

"Run!"

A different mirage of voices sounded from somewhere not too far off, but I didn't have time to do anything but roll to the side as the titan's massive fist smashed down through the bushes where I'd been moments before. It was to my utter surprise that I went rolling into a burrow of some sort.

The little hole wasn't too deep, but it was narrow enough for the titan's hand to be kept out, despite the frivolous effort the monster made in smashing its way in.

It was the first time in my life that I was _so_ grateful towards my tiny stature. Up above I heard the whizzing of the 3D Manoeuvre Gear, the battle cries of some of the Recon Soldiers, a massive thud, and then silence.

"Heidi?" I could hear Max shouting, but my mouth was buried in the crook of my elbow, and I was rolled into a ball so tightly that I couldn't move just yet.

"Adelheid? Heidi, please don't be dead!" there was the strangest tone to her voice, one I'd never heard before. "Please! Please, just crawl out from wherever you are and I promise I'll never be mean to you again! I won't tease you about your height! I won't – I won't tease or drink or do anything you don't like! H-Heidi! Adelheid!"

"Maxine…" the low voice was Erwin's, "she's… she's not… it must've crushed-"

"Shut up!" her shout was distraught, "I was supposed to – how could I have-" she broke off, and I heard heavy breathing. My limbs were starting to loosen up as the shock wore off, and I struggled to move my arms. I made a noise somewhere between a whimper and a moan.

"Can you smell that?" Mike's voice rung out, coming closer, "I… I can smell something." (No, I didn't wet my pants despite my predicament!).

"Smell what?" Erwin asked, and I heard his footsteps getting closer as well.

"Vanilla…" the footsteps got closer.

I tried to lift my head, but the burrow was almost collapsing on me, and the only source of light was somewhere to my right. Another strange noise snaked past my lips as my shoulder throbbed painfully at the constricting hollow.

"I heard something!" Erwin almost shouted, tearing at the bushes somewhere close.

"Huh? No blood around here?" sniffy guy questioned, "Then what happened…?"

I shifted slightly, hoping they'd have the sense to pull me out right away before I suffocated.

"Did you see that?" it was Max this time, sounding much like her usual self.

I groaned into my arm, wanting them to hurry up already.

Suddenly the small circle of light was blocked, and then a large, warm hand was on my arm. With a swift pull and a few grunts, I was suddenly pulled into the light, hissing as the brightness met my face.

When my eyes did adjust, the expressions on Mike, Erwin and Max's faces was priceless. I didn't have time to laugh, however, as Erwin reached over and helped sniffy guy tug me out the rest of the way. Wordlessly, I staggered to my feet and brushed off the debris clinging to me, tutting at the nasty dirt stains on my white pants.

"Heidi?" it was Max, half standing, watching me as though I'd disappear any second.

"Hm?" I didn't trust my voice quite yet, sure my tearstained face was quite the sight.

"You're so _fucking stupid!_" and she crashed into me, pulling me off my feet as easily as if I weighed nothing more than a rag doll. I know it was weak and pathetic, but tears sprung to my eyes at her embrace.

"I'm sorry!" I sobbed, clutching to her desperately, "I was s-so scared!"

"Shh, shut up you idiot!" she cried, somehow laughing at the same time, "You scared the life out of me!"

When she finally set me down, I raised a hand to my hair, wincing at the tangled mess that probably resembled a bird's nest, "Thanks for saving me," I directed my statement to all three of the Recon soldiers, cheeks aflame with embarrassment at the prospect of having been saved.

Cries sounded in the distance.

"We need to go back and help!" Mike exclaimed, readying his gear.

"You're right," Erwin nodded, "take Heidi up to a safe branch and join Max and I as soon as possible. They need us."

I could do little but squeak as I was thrown over Mike's broad shoulder a second before we went soaring through the air at a ridiculous pace. He set me down not far from camp, where the sounds of battle could be heard clearly, "I'll direct the injured up here," he nodded to the wide, sturdy branch we were situated on, "that okay with you?"

I nodded, "Send my pack, it has the supplies I need!"

With a brief pat on the shoulder, he was gliding towards the bloodshed, and was out of my sight before long. Nanaba came to me with my pack then, a few other able bodied soldiers hoisting the terribly injured along with them. I got straight to work, ordering the few soldiers who'd stayed around to help me about frantically, advising them on how to stop bleeding and set bones. I may have been a coward, but no man would die on my watch.

The stream of the injured was never ending, but eventually the strongest soldiers were the only ones left fighting, and so the injured remained at a steady number, strewn about the treetops with me.

I caught rides on Nanaba's back to other branches to treat the wounded as fast as I could. It was messy, and blood went everywhere, but I did my best to save all the lives I could. Some, however, were too severely injured, and so all I could do was inject them with milk of the poppy to ease their passing. It felt strange to be so useless to the dying.

Finally, after what felt like hours, the injured were moved to somewhere else on the perimeter of the forest, and I was allowed to climb onto Gunter's back to be taken to the new encampment. Flying through the tress with the 3DMG was slightly exhilarating, but I was glad when we landed on steady ground.

The camp was almost completely set up, with the tents for the injured lining the tree line and the bonfires going as early afternoon arrived. I made a beeline to the tents, hurrying to help the injured onto their mats. I went around with wet cloths, cleaning the wounds more thoroughly and replacing the hurriedly done bandages with fresh, firm ones.

By the time I was done with the major injuries, late afternoon was upon us. I then darted around camp, treating scratches, dislocated bones and nasty bruises. Night was falling when I finally found Max again.

"You look like shit, cherub," she commented, patting me on the head as we walked around the encampment.

"Thanks," I murmured, too tired to disagree, "are you injured?"

"Me?" she scoffed, "Do I look like an imbecile to you?"

I shook my head, supressing a yawn, "Getting injured doesn't mean you lack skill, Max."

"Like hell it does!" her loud voice echoed briefly over the soft murmurs of everyone else, but it comforted me in the strangest way. If Max was here, then everything would be alright.

"How…" I tried to force the words out without letting my voice shake, "how many died whole?"

I could feel her staring at me out of the corner of her eye, but I refused to meet her gaze, "Twenty one."

My sharp inhale pained my chest, but I kept my eyes trained on the ground in front of us, "In addition to the men that died later… that's twenty six." It hurt to say those words. It hurt that I was a healer, and that I still remained powerless to save those privy to the wrath of the titans.

"All the blood got to your head, then?" Max asked casually, though I could tell she was trying to be considerate towards my feelings.

I shook my head, "It's not… the blood, or the gore," I confessed, twiddling my thumbs, hesitating before I spoke again, "I've…- just, being a doctor means saving people who are about to die. Out here… I've never been so helpless to stop death before."

I berated myself for the way my voice hitched at the end of my sentence, but Max, ever so tactical, reached out a calloused hand and placed it on my shoulder, "Hey," she murmured, turning me to face her, hazel eyes that were usually so sharp and twinkling now filled with something I could only place as sorrow, "you can't save everyone. Trust me, I know better than anyone how impossible that is, no matter how good of a fighter, or how brilliant of a doctor – not everyone can be saved."

I nodded, though my bottom lip was still dangerously close to trembling.

"Do you know how my heart pummelled to the ground when I heard you screaming?" her eyes bore into mine, their endless depths swirling with emotion, "And when we finally caught sight of you, do you know how sick I felt when you fell? Me – one of the best fighters, couldn't even reach you in time. If I'm not good for fighting, then what use do I have? I couldn't save _you_ – one of the most important people in the world. That made me feel like a failure."

I opened my mouth to speak, but she held up a hand, shaking her head, "Let me finish."

I snapped my mouth shut and waited.

"When Mike pulled you out of that hole I thought I was going to throw up and laugh and cry and dance all in the same moment. It made me realise that fate works in strange ways, Heidi. You were meant to live, and so you lived despite the fact that I couldn't make it to you in time. Know that when someone dies, it's not because you were incompetent, it's because fate made it so. I usually don't believe in this cynical bullshit, but it's true as far as I'm concerned."

Nodding, I opened my mouth to ask her something before –

"He's walking over here now," Max whispered, grinning softly. She spun me by the shoulders and pushed me in his direction, "off you go, cherub!"

I stumbled for a second, but righted my footing just as he came to a stop before me. His eyes roamed my form, finally settling on my face in the most curious display of relief, "You're alive," he whispered, stoic mask non-apparent.

I nodded, flushing under his gaze.

"I- when I heard you scream I just thought…" his brow furrowed for a second before he stepped forward and tugged me into his arms. My face seared, but I wrapped my arms around him best I could, revelling in his touch. He held on longer than I thought he would.

"L-Levi," I mumbled, peeking over his shoulder to see we were attracting quite some attention, "they're staring."

He only held me tighter, "Let them stare, I couldn't give a damn what they think as long as you're here."

That had my face as red as a tomato, and so I buried it in the crook of his neck to hide from the curious onlookers. After what felt like eons, I pulled away slowly, eyes scanning his profile, "Are you safe? Does anything hurt?"

"No," he shook his head, his hand finding the small of my back to lead me over to the logs by the campfire as the sky began to darken, "come, you need to eat." I sat down on a log as he went off for a few minutes before returning with food, and most curiously, a handkerchief and a hairbrush.

"Eh?" I mumbled as he thrust the food into my hands.

"Eat," he demanded, sitting beside me as he unscrewed the water flask.

After a hesitant bite, he thrust the water to my mouth, "Drink," he commanded, and I complied. It felt strange to be babied by him, but not bad.

"Why are you doing this?" I mumbled as he continued forcing me to eat and drink.

His bored gaze lingered on my cheeks (which I now only realise must have been tearstained – probably with dirt from the burrow staining them aslo), before drifting back up to my eyes, "It's your first time watching someone being eaten. You're in shock."

"I'm _not_ in-"

"Your skin is pale, and it's cold and clammy," he began, his voice low, "your breathing is shallow and uneven. I can tell you're anxious because your knee hasn't stopped bopping up and down for the last ten minutes. You're confused and just the slightest bit disorientated. You know it well yourself, so let me take care of you just this once."

He left me speechless, but I let him feed me and coax water into my mouth. He doused the handkerchief in water and wiped my face clean, with a gentleness I didn't know he possessed. I could vaguely hear Hanji and Max chuckling somewhere in the background, but I couldn't bring myself to care all that much.

Levi stood behind me, pulling the tie out of my hair and holding up the brush, "May I?" his smooth voice sent chills down my spine and I nodded quickly, enjoying his proximity. Softly, slowly, he eased the knots out of my hair, picking out leaves and twigs occasionally. It calmed me enough that I let myself lean back on him. Even when the knots were out, he kept brushing through my tiresomely long locks, eventually trailing his fingers through it gently. I struggled to keep any strange sounds from escaping me.

With a finally stroke of the brush, he pulled my hair to the side and tied it into a pony tail, letting the blonde waves fall over my shoulder. I yawned.

He made to walk away, but I clutched onto his pant leg, "Stay with me?"

He hesitated, but eventually chose to sit beside me. I was tired, and my body hurt, but Levi sat close enough for me to lean my head on his shoulder, and everything felt just that little bit better. I could see Erd, Gunter, Hanji, Mike, Dita, Nanaba and Henning across the fire (Max and Erwin were strangely missing…?).

He slowly edged his arm around my waist, and we sat that way for a while, neither of us speaking as we stared into the fire together.

"How did you know that?" I murmured, leaning heavily into his side.

"Hn?" he didn't know what I was talking about.

"About the shock? How did you know?" I clarified, my voice still at a whisper.

"I… learnt it from my past. My line of work often saw blood and fall outs, and many comrades faced shock," he explained.

"Ah… before the Recon Corps then?" I yawned, my hand creeping over his leg to find his.

"Yes," he muttered, leaning his head to rest on mine, "I wasn't the noblest of people then."

"You?" I giggled, "Anything but noble? I don't believe it!"

His thumb began rubbing circles into the back of my hand. It was soothing.

"I lived in Sina," he breathed.

My ears perked up at that, "Sina? When?"

He paused, arm around me stiffening, "I was last there when I was fifteen. That was ten years ago."

"Ah," I hummed, sensing his discomfort towards the topic, "If you'd been there two years more we might've met."

I felt him shake his head, "If I stayed there two years more I'd be dead."


	9. VERLOREN UND GEFUNDEN

_**A/N: Holy moley I am sooooo sorry for the delay! I've had exams and other annoying things in the way, so I sort of put this on hold. As for the time skip… you'll be enlightened as to its happenings soon (and by soon I mean later muahaha). **_

_**Thank you once again for everyone who's taken the time to review – it makes writing worthwhile :)**_

* * *

**Year: 841**

**Day: unknown**

**Date: sometime around September 17th **

**Location: Beyond the walls **

My name is Adelheid Grünberg.

I don't know where I am or where I need to go, only where I have been.

The hours are beginning to drag, and though my supplies are plentiful, I'm unsure whether I will last the approaching day.

The echoes of footsteps thunder in the forest around me.

I'm scared.

I should have anticipated this – it's often the least physically able that get left behind.

I don't know how long ago it happened, but we were at the forest of giant trees when we were ambushed by hoards and hoards of titans. They seem to grouping together, almost as though they're waiting just south of the wall, collecting into larger and larger numbers in anticipation of an event (which I'm not yet sure of).

They're hungry.

I can feel it every time the ground shakes, smell it every time one wanders by.

This little cave is my refuge – without it I'd have been long dead.

I was riding alongside Levi through the forest when it happened.

The stampede of footsteps, the screaming soldiers – everything turned to hell. The Captain was up and off his horse in the blink of an eye, cutting down titans at a ridiculous pace.

I could see Max and Hanji working as a team in the distance, but my attention was pulled to the injured soldiers littering the grass. It was a stupid time for me to be brave.

I leapt off my startled horse and made a mad dash for the first man I saw, wincing as he coughed up blood. The screams of dying men met my ears, but I focused my blurry gaze to the task at hand, hurrying to do all I could to help the man get back on his feet.

In a few minutes the man stumbled away, and I bolted to my next patient, a woman, crying for her children – one arm severed to the elbow. My hands shook and I was crying, but I managed to make a sturdy tourniquet and dab it with salve before pushing her off in the same direction as the other man.

It occurred to me that the flow of titans didn't stop despite how many were cut down. I was treating my fourth or fifth man when the cry went up.

"_Retreat! Get to the horses and flee north!_" the Commander's voice rung over the den.

"Two minutes," I sobbed, desperately trying to staunch the flow of blood from a man's leg, "just two minutes, then we can leave."

And that was when the hand snatched my patient away, kicking and screaming. I could only kneel there on the floor, mouth agape as he was taken away, numbly aware of the whizzing of the 3DMG as the soldiers retreated without question.

I looked to my waist.

Ah.

I'd left my gear on my horse.

Hm.

It was a strange thing, to see so many of the wounded that I was capable of healing being picked off the floor and munched right before me. I guess their sacrifice served as distraction enough to let the other troops escape.

It was at that moment that I realised something.

I was being sacrificed as well.

My cowardly counterpart chose that moment to spring to life, and I was on my feet, running like a madwoman in a desperate attempt to flee the scene. I hoped that my running would give Max enough time to escape over at the edge of the forest.

A childish, selfish part of me hoped she'd notice my absence and come back for me, but I knew not even she would endanger the lives of everyone in the legion to come and get me. I hoped she'd forgive me one day.

I ran and ran, the screams of soldiers being devoured carrying across the dense forest, reaching my ears in a crescendo. I was hyperaware of the many giant footsteps thudding after me, but I refused to make the same mistake, and refrained from looking over my shoulder.

I don't know how long I ran for, or how fast I was going, but for once in my life I was grateful for the hell Max put me through in training. The old me would have collapsed at the very start of the chase.

It was by sheer luck that I spotted the burrow. It resembled the one I'd fallen into on my first expedition, and it took me little to no thought to dive into it, hoping against hope that it would hold against the titans.

It did.

I spent the night in there, crying for my life which was destined to be forfeit. I wish I could have seen Levi just _one_ last time. I scurried out of the burrow some time before sunset, lucky that the titans were inactive in the dark. I trudged on and on and on until I came across a dead end of sorts.

It was a rock face, covered in moss and vines, and as the sun began to rise I thought my doom would come with it. That was until I spotted the narrow entrance, only about as tall as myself, and just wide enough to fit me with my arms slightly extended. I crept in, peering up at the narrow gaps in what had to be a little cave.

Light filtered in, illuminating a scene which I wish I hadn't come across. Two skeletons sat propped up against the back wall of the cave, old, moth eaten shreds of clothing falling off their dusty frames. The smaller skeleton cradled a bundle of fabric to its chest.

With bated breath, I crept forward and peered into the swath of fabric, holding back the bile that threatened to appear at the tiny skeletal form of a baby.

"How do you do, Mr Skeleton, Mrs Skeleton, baby Skeleton?" I murmured, edging away from them, but taking a seat in the cave nevertheless.

I opened my pack, scowling at the abundance of food, water and healing supplies – what a waste. They wouldn't do me good for more than a week or two.

With that I stayed in the cave, watching as day faded to night, night gave way to day and so forth until I was too tired to count much longer.

Is that – no, my imagination is getting the better of me.

I thought… I thought I heard someone calling my name, but – oh there it is again.

I never thought it could sound so real – hold on –

**Later**

I – I can't believe it.

He came for me. He came back to find me.

He is such a fucking idiot, in fact, I don't think I can forgive him for this. Instead of just me dying, _he's_ going to die too.

Hm.

Is it bad that the prospect of not being alone brings me a sense of relief?

Oh, but I _don't _want him to die! Considering our predicament, however, we don't have much of a chance.

The odds aren't particularly in our favour.

And by 'not particularly in our favour' I mean that we're fucking screwed.

Let me explain.

I exited the cave after distinctly hearing, "Heidi! Heidi!" being bellowed at the top of a very familiar set of lungs. It was daylight, perfect conditions for any titan, in fact I could see a few lumbering through the trees in the distance. I ducked behind a boulder and my ears perked as I waited on bated breath, wondering whether the voice was just a figment of my imagination.

And then I heard it.

The unmistakable whirring of someone's 3DMG, and the familiar metallic whoosh signalling a titan was being cut down somewhere close. I scurried atop the boulder, searching the woods frantically for someone – anyone.

"Heidi!" Levi's voice cried from high up in a branch. My eyes shot up and found him, and I almost fainted right then and there (from relief or horror, I still can't tell). For a moment we held each other's gaze – and then the titans came.

The Captain was high in a tree, and so remained safe for the most part. Me, on the other hand, well, I was standing on a boulder, ripe for the picking.

Hence I was plucked off the boulder, into the large, powerful hand of a grinning titan.

"_No!_" Levi's shout echoed through the gigantic forest. The ever-familiar whiz of the Manoeuvre Gear sounded.

"Levi! Run, go!" but my pleads didn't hinder his course.

"I'm _not_ leaving you here!" his growl sent chills down my spine, and a second later he shot past me. In a flash of silver and a blur of red, I was dropped to the floor, where I could only sit, cowering, watching as Levi cut down two titans in less than half a minute.

He glanced down at me for a second, and his eyes widened drastically, "NO!"

Before I could so much as look over my shoulder, he had propelled himself downwards with such force that he was rendered a blur in my eyes. I spun around just as Levi kicked away a titan's fist. I heard the painful snap, saw the unnatural shift in his ankle.

I knew immediately that it meant a very painful, long term injury stemming from his ankle to his knee, perhaps even up into his thigh if the trauma was severe. He cried out, but continued fighting. I scurried back, back, back, until I was at the entrance to the cave.

"Levi! In here, quick!"

He was killing with a vengeance, but even he knew he couldn't continue fighting the steady stream coming our way, and so he swung towards me, too fast for me to move out of the way.

Our bodies clashed, and we went tumbling into the cave. The force of the impact knocked the breath out of me, and we came to a dazed stop, the heavy deadweight of the Corporal still above me.

"Fuck, Heidi, are you hurt?" Levi questioned hurriedly, pushing himself off me the slightest bit.

"You idiot!" I screeched, tears prickling at my eyes, "I thought you were going to die, you fucking stupid-"

And then his lips crashed against mine, and his hand came up to trace the side of my face, and everything was horribly desperate and perfect at the same time.

He broke away, glaring into my eyes with fierceness I'd never seen before.

"I love you," he panted, "I fucking _love_ you, Heidi. I love your smile and your hair, I love your eyes and your laugh, I love your hands and the way you blush, I love everything about you, and I love the person I am when I'm with you! I love you and I'll be damned if I was going to let the Commander leave you behind."

I was sobbing by then, hands fisted in his shirt collar as I tried to find the words to say in return. Acting on impulse, I tugged him to me again, and our lips met again, softer this time.

His tongue snaked across my bottom lip, asking permission. I parted my lips, and he slipped between them, slowly coaxing my own tongue to dance with his. It was soft and smooth and passionate, everything I ever dreamed it would be.

"I…love…you…" I slurred into his mouth. His arms tightened around my frame and he pressed his weight more firmly against me, deepening the kiss.

I shifted beneath him, wanting to get closer, and my leg accidentally brushed against his. He broke away with a hiss, burying his pained face into my neck.

"Your leg!" I cried, scurrying out from beneath him, "Turn on to your back and don't move!" I demanded as I lunged for my pack, tearing it open to his dry chuckle.

"You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that… though not in these circumstances…" for some reason my face flushed at his words, and I frowned.

"I'm assuming your statement had sexual connotations, and I just want to _inform _you," I set my stare on his slightly apprehensive face, "that I am perfectly okay with that. It's you who doesn't know how painful waiting for that kiss was – it was even better than I'd imagined."

His brow quirked at that, "You've imagined that before?"

My face turned beet red, "Amongst other things."

His expression was comical, and so I spared him a giggle, hurriedly swiping at any leftover tears before I swiftly tugged his boot off. He cried out, but made no move to hinder my prodding.

Tutting, I wrapped the limb firmly, and headed to the back of the cave to tug a rock over to where he lay. With a mighty heave, I shoved the rock into place and grabbed him by the legs, twisting him until his leg was elevated on the stone.

"There," I grunted, panting slightly, "when night comes I'll douse the bandages in water – the cold night air will cool it and by tomorrow evening you should be able to sit up."

He flung his arm over his eyes, groaning, "It fucking hurts."

I bit my lip at that, crawling over to kneel beside him, "I'm sorry."

He didn't move his arm, "Don't you dare."

"Don't I dare what?" I questioned, hands fiddling with the edges of his jacket.

"Apologise," he bit out, "it's not your fault. Schreiber shouldn't have left you there, I don't fucking care how much it would have cost. You're priceless."

"Stop," I murmured, hands fisting in the beige of his jacket, "it had to be done – there was no stopping it." My eyes narrowed as I glared down at him, "_You_, on the other hand, didn't have to be such a sentimental bastard! You've lost humanity one of its strongest soldiers, you brainless fuck!"

His arm slid from his eyes and he stared up at me in silence for a moment.

"Would you have left me if our positions were reversed?"

His question had me at a loss. Of _course_ I'd head back for him, I'd do anything for him.

"Exactly," he muttered, shaking his head, "you're a hypocrite."

"Hey!" I defended, "I just – It's now my fault that we're both going to die out here. If I wasn't such a failure-"

"Don't!" he shot up until his face was centimetres from mine, hand clutching my wrist in a vice like grip, "Don't say – say-" his face contorted in pain and he dropped back to the stone floor, groaning as his consciousness wavered from the sudden burst of pain and rush of blood to the head.

"Shh, no, no, no," I whispered, slapping his face lightly, "stay with me, Levi – Levi!"

Not really thinking about what I was doing, I scurried on top of him and grasped his face in my hands, "You can't fall unconscious just yet," I cooed, "the shock will kill you, darling – kill you. Come on, keep your eyes open – come on now!"

I leant down and kissed his mouth, but his eyelids continued to flutter frantically. I was suddenly aware of the rather immediate contact my hips had with his as I straddled him. Crossing my fingers in hopes it would work (and desperately trying to recall what Max had told me about), I rolled my hips over his experimentally.

The fluttering lessened.

With a breathy sigh, I grinded myself over him again, face flushing grotesquely at the sudden heat between my legs (at that point I couldn't tell if it was radiating from him or me). His eyes came into focus, but he still seemed to be teetering on the edge of consciousness.

"Stay awake, Levi," I murmured, my voice strangely husky as I slowly pushed myself back before dragging forward, over the now unmistakable bulge in his pants.

My face felt hot (and so did some other places… heheh…), but his eyes finally cleared, his brows pulling into a frown, "What-"

I rolled my hips once more, and a groan tore from the depths of his chest, "Oh _fuck-_"

His moan was cut off as I halted in my movements, struggling not to pant, "Awake now?"

The widening of his eyes as they found me was comical, but it wasn't the moment to laugh.

"Shit, Heidi – what are you-"

"Shh," I hushed, finger pressing against his velvety lips as my mind frantically searched for more of Max's tips (I came up blank). Being very slow about it, I lowered my mouth to his, grinding onto him as I went.

A strange, almost guttural sound escaped his throat, and I struggled not to moan myself (though I did gasp quite… erotically).

His hands traced along my legs up to my hips as we continued to kiss, and he thrust his hips up gently to rub against me harder. I did moan at that point, and his breaths became ragged as he turned his face from mine, allowing me to feel the sensations our (ridiculously) close bodies were generating.

Max's words about the neck being a 'tender place' filled my mind, and so I littered a few kisses along it, revelling in his breathy groans, the way his hands tightened on my hips and pulled me down to him more firmly.

"Mmm, _Heid_- what the fuck?" his (extremely sexual) husky tone shouted the exclamation at the same moment I felt his hardness disappear.

"What…?" I mumbled confusedly, lifting my face from his neck.

"Why the _fuck_ are there two dead people in here?" his voice was strained, I could tell he was questioning my sanity for taking advantage of him in such a place like this.

"Uh, there's three," I admitted, mouth still at his ear, "Mr Skeleton, Mrs Skeleton, baby Skeleton, meet my darling Levi. Levi, meet the Skeleton family."

His hands tightened on my waist for a moment before he burst into a fit of chuckles, "You never fail to surprise me, you know?"

I leaned down until my lips were at his neck again, smiling into the soft, smooth skin, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Slowly, his hand trailed up my side (yes, my breath hitched when it passed over the side of my breast), coming to a stop at my cheek. Gently, he nudged my face up to his, capturing my lips in a soft embrace before looking in to my eyes.

"I want to make love to you," he whispered hoarsely, and the look in his eyes made me shudder (yes, I admit, I was ready to drop my pants for him there and there), "but not here."

I couldn't stop the disappointment that clouded my face, and I averted my eyes.

"Look at me," his voice had me trailing back to his lovely, light eyes, "I will make love to you once we reach Headquarters. Just not out here, not when I can't properly make you feel like a woman."

I flushed, but nodded nevertheless, "And what if… what if we don't make it back to the wall?" I cursed the way my voice sounded so small.

His stare turned sharp, determined, "We'll make it back to Wall Maria. I won't let us die before we get the chance to tell everyone we finally realised it. I won't die until I've made you happy."

He was lulled into sleep at the sudden patter of rain, and I took the time to check his supplies. He was practically out of gas, and he didn't carry any food or water with him. I set my attention on this leather bound book, and here I am, writing away when I should be devising a plan to escape – the only thought in my mind is that the plains are going to be muddy as hell out there tomorrow.

The cave is providing us shelter and a small portion of warmth, but I don't know if that will be enough when our food runs out.

Levi won't be able to walk for several days, and even then he'll have to lean on me or carry a walking stick. I'll probably have to wear his 3DMG to keep the extra weight off him.

**Later**

I think I've made a terrible mistake.

We're camped out in the plains, and the wall is a blur in the far distance. It's broad daylight, but no titans are in sight as of yet. Levi's napping, but I don't know if I have the strength to go on.

Let me explain.

It was the second or third day camped out in the cave, and the rain was still hammering down.

"Do you think the titans are weak?" I mused, more to myself than Levi, "seeing as they seem to be active when in the direct path of sunlight? This cloud cover must be leaving them slow at the least."

Levi shrugged, frowning, "I guess. I mean, in winter we can only send small squads out for miniscule trips, but they're never bothered by the titans throughout that weather."

"Maybe they can't stand the cold, and the constant absence of sun?" I hummed, tapping my foot on the ground, "In that case, we should use this storm to our advantage."

"Advantage, hn?" my Captain in command murmured, propping himself up on his elbow curiously.

"Yes – the plains stretching from here back to the wall must be – hold on… oh!"

"What?" Levi asked, grabbing my hand as my mind whirred into action.

"I have a plan… but you're not going to like it," I bit my lip and averted my gaze.

"Hm…tell me anyway – it's got to be better than the mad plan I came up with," his encouraging tone lifted my spirits, but I kept my eyes trained on the puddle in the corner as I relayed my idea to him.

"Well… titans can't sniff out humans as far as we know as of yet… so if we head out into this rain and cover ourselves in mud-"

"No," he shook his head furiously, "absolutely not!"

"Levi," I pleaded, pouting in hopes it'd have an effect on him, "hear me out! Please?" I bat my lashes, pouting to complete my pathetic plead.

His stare was hard, but he made no further objections and so I took it as my queue.

"We can't wait here for you to get better – the rain would pass and _if_ our assumptions about sunlight are correct, they'll no longer be weak," I squeezed his hand gently, biting my lip, "we can leave by nightfall, our cloaks should keep us dry through the forest until we reach the plains. If we can do this, we'll be back at Shinganshina in two days!"

He pondered my plan for a moment, brows furrowing as he pinched the bridge of his nose agitatedly, "Adelheid, you do realise we're going through with this on an assumption we've made about the titans? What will we do if it stops raining?"

I bit my lip at this, thinking hard, "Even if it stops raining tonight, the plains will be saturated from this constant downpour – we can bury ourselves into the slosh," I tried to ignore his pained grimace, "if we sight a titan in the distance."

He ran a hand through his onyx hair, sighing as he fell back to his cloak, "I was wrong – your plan is worse than mine."

I continued watching him anxiously, waiting for his decision.

Finally, after what felt like eons, he nodded, "Ready the pack. This might just be fucking crazy enough to get us out."

I did as he said and he helped me strap on his 3DMG (more for safekeeping than anything else). When the pack was settled on my back and our cloaks were on our backs, Levi stood, wincing at the pain that undoubtedly shot through his leg.

"Are you alright? We can wait for tomorrow night if-"

"No, we'll go now and get this out of the way," he ground out, fists clenching at his sides. I nodded and he nodded, "You're going to have to lead the way. It's going to take all my concentration to walk through the forest in this blasted darkness without falling on my face."

And so we set out into the heavy downpour, hurrying through the forest as fast as Levi's leg allowed. We made it to the edge of the forest just as the sky began to lighten from a midnight blue to a wavering grey.

I couldn't see any titans roaming the distance, and so we began trudging into the muddy fields. When we reached a particularly flooded place, I scooped up a slop of mud into my hands and began lathering it over my dirty clothes until the rain allowed the dark brown colour to drain into the linen.

Behind me, I could hear Levi's groans of discomfort as he did the same. With that we were heading out again, sloshing through the ankle deep mud, but making good time. We went for hours and hours until night fell again and we were forced to take refuge beneath a tree. After a meal of freezing ration bars and cold water, there wasn't much to do.

We huddled together as the wind whipped cold needles of rain into our faces, clutching hands and entwining our legs in hopes to ward away the cold. The morning dawned with no sun, and a continuous slate of rain.

Levi and I were up and going before then, but our pace was drastically slowed. His leg was playing up, and I could tell his strength was waning.

"H-Heidi," he called from just behind me as the second day progressed, "I-I think we've got to stop."

The fact that he was complaining showed me just how much pain he was in.

I quickly doubled back to him and slung his left arm over my shoulder, "We don't have time, love," I panted, "come, lean on me or you'll fall in this mud and injure yourself further."

He didn't protest as we hobbled through the field.

It was a few hours before noon when the rain began to lighten to barely a sprinkle. To my horror, the weather started shifting, the clouds were clear and the sun was shining by noon. So here we sit, still soaking, the wall _just_ in our sights (a few hours' walk away), on the lookout for any titans that may venture across our path.

The pack on my back feels like it holds bricks, and the Manoeuvre Gear is making my thighs ache terribly. With Levi's weight as well, I don't think I'll make it back to Wall Maria before I (or both of us) collapse in exhaustion.

Even without the threat of the titans, the outlook is grim.

I hope we don't die – not so soon after we've admitted our love to one another.

I'm worried for Levi. His consciousness wanes while we walk, and his limbs are heavy – a deadweight on me, unfortunately. If a titan comes along, I'll be the only thing standing between its mouth and Levi, and that scares me more than anything.

If I make it to Shinganshina alive, I'll be sure to write in this old raggedy thing.

If not…

My name is Adelheid Grünberg. I don't know where I am, only where I have been, and where I need to go.

The walls are in our sights.

Home is ahead.


End file.
